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THE WEBLOG ARCHIVES: January 2003
January 30, 2003
The Early Years: Today in History | 08:38 PM
In non-Lockhart news, regular jvg.com browser RhodeKill writes: "Put up more drawings on your Web site." Always happy to oblige my fans: This report, filed twenty years ago today, showcases my early breakthroughs in editorial cartooning.
LOWER! EAST! SIDE! | 12:09 PM
Do you know how stylish I am? | 11:39 AM
I live on The Lower East Side.
That hotel across the street from me update | 11:38 AM
Still under construction!
The Lower East Side Sure is Great! | 11:14 AM
Lockhart Steele Update | 11:08 AM
Downtown blogisto Lockhart Steele is off to Florida on business, and he's asked me to cover his blog. For some strange reason, though, he neglected to give me his login info, so I'll be posting some Lock-type blogs right here in this space.
DreamLog | 10:48 AM
A grassy hilltop, covered with audience. A career conference. No one applauds for my friend; her speech was boring. The moderator thanks her and moves on. Smoke drifts down the path. Four people: They may be Belgian — I throw a tomato. Nelson Mandela walks by with his entourage. Shit: I forgot to move the car.
January 29, 2003
Detritus | 12:13 PM
You heard it here first: Tiny Ninja Theater is bringing its acclaimed Romeo & Juliet to NYC, perhaps as early as mid-February.
January 28, 2003
The Onus of Fame | 01:52 PM
I think Britney said it best: "Sometimes I just long to do normal things, like going to the movies or a club. But now that I'm famous it's a major ordeal just to go out."
The Gallivants of Fame | 12:01 PM
For no apparent reason, it was blind date night over at Grace last night. To quote myself: the disappointment hung in the air "so low and so thick that a short guy with a knife could cut it with a fork." One couple's lack of enthusiasm radiated across the bar even as they introduced themselves. ("Are you Jim?" "Yes, are you Mary?" "Yes." "Hi!" "Hi!" —long pause— "So, let's, um, sit down...") The other couple seemed to be hitting it off – they were both slightly more attractive – until I noticed that the woman was spending more time listening to our conversation than to her date.
January 27, 2003
Now That I'm Famous | 04:32 PM
Friends: please be advised that there is no reason to be nervous around me, despite what The New York Times may say. I will continue – magnanimously – to acknowledge your existence.
Guess the Celebrity Update | 02:54 PM
Despite a number of excellent attempts, no eligible contestant has managed to nail down the other celebrity. So, a photographic clue:
January 26, 2003
The Early Years: Today in History | 06:30 PM
Another foray into the fourth estate, this one filed nineteen years ago today. Even the most cursory of glances makes it clear that I had developed considerably as a journalist – and, indeed, as a human being – in the one year and two days since the previous report.
prêt-à-porter | 10:14 AM
The New York Post and Gawker have just gotten around to noticing Ugh Boots. Unsurprisingly, fashionisto JCN over at The Pith Helmet had his finger in that tasty Australian pie all the way back in February '02.
January 24, 2003
DreamLog | 11:02 AM
After helping them carry their packages into the apartment – piling DVD box set upon DVD box set – I say goodbye. The boy wants to show me his BB gun, aims at me as I leave. Three shots. One ricochets through the half-closed door to bounce off my groin. I stand, in pain, in the hall, for a moment. Back inside, I bump into the DVD pile, knocking over boxes, destroying the symmetry. I find the boy standing with his mother and older sister in the kitchenette; "Don't shoot it at me, don't point it at me, I don't even want you to have the gun in your hands when I'm around." The mother asks, "where did he hit you?" Reply: "The testicle." Mother and sister giggle, then laugh. I storm out, past their collection of gumball machines.
Silvana comments: "In the dream you are helping people bring DVDs into the house. The people are a woman and her two kids – a daughter and a son. The young boy shoots you in the groin with a BB gun. You return to the apartment and nock over the DVD pile and the two females laugh at you. Sometimes thing are as they seem and sometimes not. When you woke up and remembered this dream did you “register the ego response” to it? What did you think and what memory or feeling came up? At least one person in your dream may represent a character that is located deep in your psyche. For example, the little boy is you. The archetype of the child? The inner child is playful, but malicious. He is playing with a toy that can create real pain and in that way it’s not a toy at all. How is this similar to the way that you function? In some ways, are you playing with things that may seem harmless, but in the end hurt you? Jonathan, dream interpretation is very, very personal. Regardless of pop culture and everyone’s desire to interpret dreams in a simplistic way, there is nothing simple about dreams. I consider dreams almost sacred in the sense that they bring up fundamentally important matters. I don’t know the relationship that exists (or existed) between you and your mother, or if you have a sister, but this dream may be bringing up some of those issues. The dream may be based on a memory that has effected your psychological development and that is somehow related to the present. Maybe this is enough? "
The Early Years: Today in History | 01:56 AM
Like a vintage copy of the New York World, my early journalistic endeavors afford an invaluable glance into the pulse of a bygone era. This report, filed twenty years ago today, captures on paper a moment in time.
January 23, 2003
Guess The Celebrity Update | 09:55 AM
CONTEST LOSER: Sorry, netflows.com, "Keywords" is not the celebrity in question, whether or not it gets me "Real Time 24 Hour Traffic To You're Site" or "Turns You're Website Into A Money Making Cash Cow Overnight."
The following persons are excluded from participation in this sweepstakes: employees of jonathanvangieson.com and immediate family members of jonathanvangieson.com employees and its subsidiaries, affiliates, officers, directors, assigns, advertising, promotional and fulfillment agents, attorneys, accountants, and other representatives and the persons with whom each of the above are domiciled.
January 22, 2003
Book of Ages Sneak Preview | 01:05 PM
The countdown begins to the JA, LS & JVG publishing enterprise Book of Ages (ISBN # 1-4000-5013-8, Crown Publishing, Fall 2003).
January 21, 2003
The Early Years: Awards & Honors | 01:12 PM
As might be expected, my myriad abilities were worthy of recognition even in the very blush of youth. This highly-coveted award, bestowed upon me at the tender age of six years, celebrates not only my unparalleled athletic prowess, but also my artistic genius and love of the environment.
January 20, 2003
Dateline: Boston, frozen tundra of the North | 06:05 PM
Just back a weekend in Beantown, where it was incredibly cold. How cold was it? So cold, the Boston Red Sox changed their name to the Boston Cold Sox.
January 19, 2003
Now That I'm Famous | 03:42 PM
I've attempted to "track my favorite celebrity" – myself – on Entertainment Weekly Monitor. Confusingly, a topic search reveals no matches (even after I followed the their recommendation to "Try the first three letters of the first or last name" and searched for "Jon Van Gie,") so I've recommended myself for tracking.
January 18, 2003
A sobering thought | 12:03 AM
Why must we be always alone?
January 17, 2003
Now That I'm Famous | 12:05 AM
New York Magazine reports that Harrison Ford has been strolling about the house in his skivvies, inspiring his neighbors to throw Ford-watching parties.
January 16, 2003
Ya Don't Need "Teef" To Enjoy Our "Beef" | 10:37 PM
Dov picked up this bit of tastiness at a rest stop in PA on the trip back from DC:
January 15, 2003
Man meets his ultimate competitor | 07:25 PM
LS is the obsessive reality TV fan, but I'll certainly be tuning in tonight for Man Versus Beast, which – if I'm interpreting the commercials correctly – will attempt to answer the age-old question "human or giraffe: who can eat more midgets?"
DreamLog | 05:02 AM
Sitting next to the stars of a niche British sitcom, I crack jokes during a discussion of Semitism – you look like a jewish version of yourself, except black – as our plane flies over the bridge. In celebration of a holiday week, two inflated balloons of Chinese dolls – geometric caricatures of stereotypes, spherical heads with Xs for eyes around a cylindrical nose perched on top of spherical bodies – hang from the stanchions near the suspension cables.
E. Johan comments: "I have no Idea who or what you are but I think, based on your dream, that you may be CRAZY. Then again I only have $10.28 left in my checking account so I obviously have no credability (sp? I'm to lazy to do spell check). "
Sorry to disappoint | 12:40 AM
• #8 on the list of searches sending people to jvg.com: naked masculine celebrities.
January 14, 2003
Move over, MOMA | 01:49 AM
If anyone wants to prove me wrong and book Ninja McFatty's new sculpture series "American Bonsai" – constructed entirely of semi-melted beverage straws and overturned drink coasters – into a Manhattan art gallery, go right ahead. I have to warn you, though: some of the more delicate pieces were destroyed by high winds on the way from the bar to the subway.
January 13, 2003
European Beauty Update | 12:02 PM
January 12, 2003
Celebrity Gossip | 01:42 AM
Well, I promised gossip about my famous friends, and here it is: The Puzzler (pseudonym changed from Club Soda in Pigtails) is going out "for coffee" today with a cute girl from the running store. Is it just a friendly cuppa, or is TP in for a marathon evening? As previous posts have chronicled, TP's gaydar is on the fritz - can we be sure running store girl even plays for her team? Further updates as events warrant.
January 11, 2003
Press Roundup | 10:50 PM
Not surprisingly, Tiny Ninja Theater presents Romeo & Juliet dominates the front page of The Washington Post Style section today, and Anne Ursu's The Disapparation of James garners high praise in the Star Tribune.
January 10, 2003
The Perty Girls Who Are Unmarriage | 11:53 AM
Congrats to Unmarried to Each Other co-author Marshall Miller (subject of a Salon.com interview yesterday) who recently launched his new blog. If I know anything about Marshall - and I think I do - it's bound to be the sexiest blog around.
In Bed With Fame
Dateline: D.C. - The Gallivants of
Started the evening in classic District style, watching the sun set over the phallus of the Washington monument from the steps of the Capitol building. BarnRaiser*, my guide, filled me in on some startling omissions in the Library of Congress' Law Section.
Correction | 12:13 AM
Iraq. The war is with Iraq.
January 09, 2003
Report from Our Nation's Capitol | 10:01 AM
"Wreak havoc," cries Julius Caesar in Titus, Shakespeare's best loved comedy, "And let out the dogs to war!"
January 08, 2003
What is fame without influence? | 11:51 AM
In my offical capacity as Tiny Ninja Theater co-producer, I am off to our nation's capitol to hobnob with high-powered attorneys, environmental pundits, and puzzle-loving lesbians. If "weblog" technology has reached that far South, I will keep the world apprised of my DC doings as they happen (italics mine) via this website. Otherwise, the world will have to wait until I return. Given my level of fame, could a White House dinner invite be in the works? Fleischer has my phone number. I'm certainly not calling him.
January 07, 2003
DreamLog | 02:41 PM
Country music. COUNTRY MUSIC?
January 06, 2003
Brooklyn Update: BoCoCa | 03:18 PM
For the record, I fully support the efforts of the fine folks who are fighting an uphill battle to rename the Boerum Hill/Cobble Hill/Carrol Gardens section of Brooklyn "BoCoCa." The concept is simple: take three semi-fashionable neighborhoods with indeterminate boundaries and consolidate them into one über-chic mega-district with an amalgam name.
January 05, 2003
The Gallivants of Fame | 04:18 AM
Just in from a bon voyage fete for The Winner, who returns to P-Land on an AM flight. Started off the eve – joined by Not S'Dumb, Shelly Blonde, HookahG* (in from Philly), surprise guest AlleyBird*, and latecomer JuBall* – with a dance party at Duane Hall to the beats of JayBird.
January 04, 2003
Quotation ad propositum | 03:25 PM
"Those totally lacking in virtue may achieve fame as readily as, perhaps even more easily than those who are virtuous. Fame belongs to the great, the outstanding, the exceptional, without regard to virtue or vice. Infamy is fame no less than good repute. The great scoundrel can be as famous as the great hero; there can be famous villains as well as famous saints."
January 03, 2003
Now That I'm Famous | 06:45 PM
The Internet Movie Database remains disturbingly behind the times; despite being famous for a month now, I still have not appeared in their Celebrity News, although some guy named Jack Ass has. Even more disconcerting, an IMDb database search for "Jonathan Van Gieson" offers nothing but a page with these most popular name searches:
January 02, 2003
The Early Years: Early Works | 01:37 AM
SL likes to say "There's no 'off' button on the genius switch." Nowhere is that more evident than in this brilliant Star Wars Parody from my "Pop Art" period.
January 01, 2003
New Year's Resolutions | 12:08 PM
1. Start referring to self in the third person, or at least second person.
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