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THE WEBLOG ARCHIVES: March 2003
March 31, 2003
Important Announcement | 10:19 AM
Despite the fact that today is my birthday and also my brother's birthday there is no need to buy me presents.
March 30, 2003
Below 14th: The Oversights | 09:53 AM
One of Lock's more heinous crimes against humanity is his ignorance of a defining part of Lower East Side culture: The rapidly-diminishing theater scene. Though wide-eyed new arrivals thrill to think they're breaking new ground when they move into the neighborhood, this letter from a founder of Surf Reality which is closing its doors after 10 years following a police raid for "operating a speakeasy" and a rent raise makes it clear who the real trailblazers were:
March 29, 2003
March 28, 2003
DreamLog | 10:04 AM
Vampire Nazis. VAMPIRE NAZIS?
Marty comments: "Were you a vampire Nazi ("VN"), a victim, or onlooker? "
March 27, 2003
The Early Years: Works | 01:37 PM
From the tender age of 18 to 22, my comic strip "Tales From The Established Norm" ran in the school paper, and garnered some criticism from my friends, who felt that the storylines ran a bit too close to their own lives for comfort. They claimed, for instance, that the main character, Norm, bore a striking resemblance to me. (This is, of course, ridiculous. I have long hair, Norm had a pompadour.) They alleged that certain events happening in the strip love, breakups, facial hair, student elections, alcoholism, housing problems, bisexuality, failed classes, parole occurred in conjunction with their own similar experiences.
March 26, 2003
Famous Friends Update | 12:48 PM
Alexis heads out to Coney Island to file a radio report on Topsy, a 100-year-old electrocuted elephant. Listen (real audio). Jesse, back in the saddle after a long period of silence, grumps around the East Village. Dov grants an exclusive interview to About.com. Meanwhile, on the war front, Steele has remained conspicuously quiet after an initial show of defiance. Can Showdown: Lock be averted? Probably not.
March 24, 2003
Protest Sign Awards | 01:44 PM
I think we can all agree that the most important thing about any political debate is not who's right or wrong, but who has the best signage. With that in mind, I am pleased to present the jvg.com Protest Sign Awards for March 22-23, 2003:
March 22, 2003
All Is But Toys | 09:55 AM
For those looking to start their Saturday off right, how about murder, deceit, and ninjas? The award-winning smash hit of FringeNYC 2000, Tiny Ninja Theater presents Macbeth comes to the Bowery today at 1pm, and stays there through May 17.
March 21, 2003
A Sobering Thought | 11:06 AM
Laura calls in to ask the question:
March 20, 2003
Lock: Denial and Deception | 11:55 AM
March 19, 2003
jvg.com resolution | 10:39 AM
The JVG Security Council has unanimously voted to approve Resolution 1454 as regards the situation on the Lower East Side.
UPDATE (1:43pm): Now that the Resolution 1454 has been seconded by one other blogger, I can confidently announce that jvg.com has widespread global support for the war against Steele. Holed up in his Rivington Street bunker, a defiant Steele shows no signs of backing down.
March 18, 2003
Condition Orange | 12:07 PM
I don't know about you, but me, I sure do love the sound of army helicopters in the morning. Boy howdy.
March 17, 2003
Employment History: VCIX (Oct 1999 - May 2000) | 10:07 AM
Gosh, it looks like my old VCIX bosses are in trouble again. I feel for them, I really do. After all, we parted on amicable terms: They said they weren't happy with my "commitment to the team" and that I had a week to "prove myself," and I responded by demanding unilateral control of my department and a $20,000 raise. We compromised at two weeks severance, leaving me with fonder feelings towards them than the folks who stuck it out to the end and got completely shafted.
March 14, 2003
Wascally Wabbit | 12:47 PM
If you haven't yet been up to Kingston, NY to pick up your copy of today's Daily Freeman, then you missed this article, in which Public Defender William Myers fights for your right to euthanize bunnies with a baseball bat.
March 13, 2003
Important Questions | 04:57 PM
Is $689.01 (tax included) too much to pay for a full tune-up with neutral safety switch? Will such repairs allow a car to use gears other than reverse? These are the weighty conundrums with which your hapless author is currently obsessed.
March 10, 2003
From The Files: Penny For Your Thoughts | 12:45 PM
Being the second in an ongoing series of rare and unpublished works by the author which, for one reason or another, were never presented to the public at large.
March 07, 2003
Now That I'm Famous: Rumor Control | 12:23 PM
Time to put the kibosh on a few half-baked mumblings:
March 06, 2003
A Sobering Thought | 10:47 AM
Everybody talks about the pros and cons of war, but nobody thinks about the real victims: TV Networks.
March 05, 2003
The Early Years: Today in History | 10:37 AM
An exciting discovery: this report, filed twenty-one years ago today, may just be the first journalistic effort ever by the author.
March 04, 2003
Ninjas In the News | 02:45 PM
Looks like FlavorPill likes the Ninjas, whatever that happens to mean. In the very same issue, they plug Gawker. Co-incidence? Or does everyone in the world read jvg.com? The answer, if stats are to be believed, is no.
More Wisdom from O'Barkeep | 12:11 AM
No Ass O'Barkeep (who holds forth on the subject of "gender bending cocktails" in this month's Elle Magazine) debunks another smoking ban workaround: Bar owners planning to collect money from smokers to cover the fines may find that the cost is higher than they think.
March 03, 2003
Observed: F Train, 1:49am | 11:05 AM
His hat says: Streit's Matzos
Dreamlog | 10:37 AM
We are showing Laura Bush the book in a convertible parked on a suburban street. The homes surrounding us are colorful, victorian we may be somewhat earlier than now. Dubya, emerging from the house across the street, points out numerous spelling errors does he have the pre-copy edit version? The back cover looks different. Dubya brings his new kitten; puffy, small, black and white. He puts it on the the girl in the back seat's lap and wanders off. I see him standing by my car, half a block back. I follow to make sure he isn't angry, his bio in the book is less than complimentary. He leaves when I get there. The car door is slightly ajar. I check inside; one of the crows has been strangled. Its corpse lies on the floor, dents in its neck feathers the shape of tightened fingers. The other crow is quiet. Dubya is walking away.
March 01, 2003
Tonight's Gallivants | 04:36 PM
Off this evening to duck behind the secret bookcase at Partners & Crime and into the 1950's W-WOW Radio Studio, where they'll perform episodes of the classic mystery series "Broadway is my Beat" and "The Saint." Fun. Mysterious. Highly recommended.
Dreamlog | 11:26 AM
The girl turns her mother into an ice cube. I put it in the freezer to keep her from melting. The girl floats up the basement steps: her face is green, angry, rotting. Her father sits in the kitchen. Earlier or later, all of my parents play swimming pool volleyball with an ex-girlfriend. Game over: she is too busy to stay and chat.
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