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Two Snail or Not Two Snail?
by Jay Veegee

Two

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THE WEBLOG ARCHIVES: September 2003

September 29, 2003

Reader Favorites | 01:53 PM

Several months ago, intrepid reader Lock send in his favorite randomly generated episodes of JVG: The Comic Strip. And here they are, several months later.

Lock's Favorite #1
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Lock's Favorite #2
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September 24, 2003

Rumor Control | 04:46 PM

With all the to-do about Spiers leaving Gawker, many pundits are no doubt wondering why publisher Nick Denton didn't tap yours truly to take over the snarky weblog instead of the dramatically less famous and perpetually intoxicated* Choire. *unverified.

All the "explanations" that have thus far been advanced are, of course, pure crap. I repeat them below for the sole purpose of rebutting them.

• Denton was uncomfortable with the required name change for the site.
This is silly. Denton, as a businessman, is well aware of the advantages of 'co-branding.' Why would he argue with nomenclature which would substantially increase the power of his brand?
JVGawker.jpg
After all, everything worked out for AOL Time Warner.

• Denton was concerned that, with me at the helm, Gawker would be even more JVG-centric than it already is.
Folks, we're all mature adults here. Denton knows that I know the difference between a personal weblog and a 'pro' blog. What I publish on JVG.com is clearly not going to be the same as what I would publish in another media outlet. Obviously, the popular feature JVGawker JVStalker would focus on me, as would the JVGossip Roundup, but in other posts I would be more than likely to include material about some of my friends.

• Choire wears underpants on his head.
This rumor has absolutely no relation to the issue at hand. I'm not sure why it is even repeated here.

• I am bitter at Denton because his snarky blog, Gawker, has been more successful than my snarky blog, Antagozine.
Ridiculous. Gawker requires updating several times daily and constant attention on Nick's part to pull in its high level of traffic. Antagozine, on the other hand, hasn't been updated since May, requires no attention on my part, and it still boasts upwards of 100 visitors a day. So, really, which is the more "successful?" I think we all know the answer to that.

• The New York Supreme Court has ruled that I am required to stay at least 500 yards away from Gawker at all times.
It has been pointed out time and time again that Elizabeth Spiers and Gawker are two different entities. Need I say more?


September 23, 2003

Famous Friends Update | 01:11 PM

Famous Author Anne Ursu appears on the shelves again in a compilation of politically inspired fiction for our time, the aptly titled Politically Inspired: Fiction for our time.. Kikus reviews says:

"Using the familiar gimmick of the body-switch, Ursu has Dubya waking up in the body of a Minnesotan kid. What follows is sunny, upbeat and lethal, the perfect fable for an empty-suit presidency."

Me, I'm waiting with baited breath for Anne's next book, but in the meantime, I'll have to content myself with re-reading the first two.

• AnneUrsu.com
• PoliticallyInspired.org


September 22, 2003

Beauty & The Beast | 12:18 AM

As of 9/22/03, 12:18am, this is the second most viewed photo from the Gothamist/601am Happy Hour.

UPDATE 9/26, 1:40pm: The photo is now the most viewed, far ahead of the nearest runner-up.


September 19, 2003

Dreamlog | 10:55 AM

We are crossing the bridge, double decker bus surrounded by pylons. A few feet away, it touches down, the funnel of wind, the twister. Someone yells "Hurricane!" It gets closer: we brace ourselves, grasping our seats, speeding to get off the bridge. It hits: air spinning, twisting, I am feet above my seat, the bus is lifted off the road. Cars up. We are heavy enough. It passes.

Later: a hotel. The courtyard. Someone is smoking. I take out a cigarette, it crumbles. I don't smoke. We gather in the main dining/conference room/lobby, sitting around tables. I step out side for a moment, in time to see it: the funnel of wind. Back inside, I say it: "Hurricane! Away from the windows!" I fall, crawl along, away from the walls of glass. Storm hits: we fly.


September 18, 2003

From The Files: Fables of the 13th Gen | 11:47 AM

Being the seventh in an ongoing series of rare and unpublished works by the author which, for one reason or another, were never presented to the public at large.

Title: Sketches for "Fables of the 13th Gen" (Series)
Date: Late 1996
Intended purpose: Attept to cash in on comic goldmine of "Generation X" craze
Reason for Failure: By 1996, Generation X "craze" more of an "annoyance"


fables1.gif
"My grandparents are always nagging me to get something pierced."

fables2.gif
"When my generation is running the country, things will be pretty much the same."

fables3.gif
"I'm either manic-depressive or just badly dressed."

fablespizza.gif"I went to vote the other day, but decided to get Pizza instead." fablesdisquiet.gif "I have a vague feeling of disquiet."
fablesetch.gif "My Etch-a-Sketch is obsolete." fablesunemployed.gif"I can't decide whether to be unemployed in NY or LA."

fablesapathetic.gif

"People keep telling me I'm supposed to be apathetic."

(Note erased word "Lost" behind "13th" reflecting a rejected title concept.)


September 17, 2003

Upcoming Event | 03:14 PM

JVG.com, in conjunction with LS.com, is pleased to announce:

THE JVG.com/LS.com AFTERPARTY
to the Gothamist/601am Happy Hour
Due to the exclusive nature of this event, the party will take place at an undisclosed location. Invitations will be hand-delivered to the cr่me de la cr่me of the blognoscenti this afternoon. Please, no phone calls.

September 16, 2003

Good Spam Opening Line | 09:28 PM

"Dear Friend.
As you read this, I don't want you to feel sorry for me, because, I believe everyone will die someday."

He goes on to explain that he has a disease that has "defiled all forms of medicine."


My Wife is Hot | 12:56 PM

...and you can see her in various stages of undress in the updated Man of Infinite Desire — her one-woman retelling of the Faust story from the point of view of Mephistopheles using monologue, mask, puppetry, prestidigitation, and (newly added for this version) burlesque — which returns to NYC next month for one performance only at The Bowery Poetry Club.

Not only is the show sexy, it's also smart. What more could you want? Beer, you say? Well, good news: The Bowery Poetry club has a bar.


4Panel Productions presents
Man of Infinite Desire
written and performed by Christina Nicosia

Saturday, October 18th, 2003 @ 2pm
The Bowery Poetry Club | $10

• Faust primer
• Official Website
• NYTheatre.com Review “Complex as a puzzle yet also as simply delightful as a magician pulling a coin from your ear, Man of Infinite Desire calls to you like a ringmaster to watch your own preconceptions of life, death, hell and desire appear on the high wire. Answer the call.”


September 15, 2003

Missed Pitch-O-Rama | 12:42 PM

Since the deadline for Fox's Pitch-O-Rama is today, it looks like the world will have to wait a little longer for JVG: The Animated Series.

Rejected plots for pilot episode include:
• JVG buys an iPod and listens to music for 22 minutes
• JVG discovers something on the floor that looks like food, must decide whether or not to eat it
• JVG gets a backrub from special guest star Harrison Ford


September 10, 2003

New York be warned | 03:12 AM

Another epic night on the town with Shanky Locust* is long overdue, and will likely be occurring in the not-too-distant future.

No Ass O'Barkeep, put the Ketel on. And expect us no earlier than 3:45am.

* Remember pseudonyms?


September 08, 2003

Xina solves world problems | 12:50 AM

Xina puts forth this proposal in response to Bush's request for 87 billion dollars and International Financial Support:

"Oooh, oooh, I've got it! What if we declare war on the library? Then we can force Germany to pay to keep it open on Sundays!"


September 07, 2003

Drink Me | 02:59 PM

MDN has a shiny new design and is updating quite frequently over at drinkme.net. Past topics include: the number 196, epileptic comix, double yolked eggs. Today, she notes that it's the 3rd annual International Pickle Day over in Lock's neck of the woods.

From the International Pickle Day Website:
"International Pickle Day is a free multi-cultural celebration of pickling from around the world featuring exhibits, stories and pickle facts, and of course, a tasty sampling of pickled goods - and not just cucumbers. Anything that gets preserved in brine - radishes, tomatoes, okra, cabbage, fish, meat, carrots, beans, onions, eggs, limes, mangos, peaches, and beets will illustrate a host of pickling traditions from the immigrant communities of India, Germany, Poland, China, Japan, Scandinavia, Korea, Vietnam, the Middle East, Africa, among others."

September 02, 2003

JVG: The Comic Strip: Special Edition | 04:48 PM

Although I'm sure I'll get irate emails from the fans of the "classic" versions, I'm made some minor changes to a couple of old strips. Since I was never very happy with the punchline in the first version, I've created a Special Edition of this strip, with a 100% redrawn final panel. Also, this strip has been colorized.


September 01, 2003

From The Files: Wurtle & Jaccoon | 02:24 PM

Being the sixth in an ongoing series of rare and unpublished works by the author which, for one reason or another, were never presented to the public at large.

Title: "Wurtle & Jaccoon"
Date: Begun c. 1998 (never completed)
Co-Author: My brother
Characters modeled on: Me ("Jon" + "Raccoon" = "Jaccoon!"), My brother ("Will" + "Turtle" = "Wurtle!")
Intended purpose: Amuse self (age 24), Brother (age 10)
Success rate: 100%, 7%

wurtle.gif


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COMICS

Tales from the Established Norm
The post-college episodes of the strip from college.
Hypernorm
One strip. One thousand endings.

Fred, The Obnoxious Goldfish
An angry slice of piscine fury from the mind of Jay Veegee
Drool
One-shot from the files.
Faust: a Primer
Created for the program of Man of Infinite Desire


Produces Interesting Theater. Such as...
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No Small Parts. Only Small Actors.
TheaterSounds
Hudson Valley Playreading Series
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Rhode Island's most popular politician, six times elected, twice convicted

Illiterate
Book of Ages
"Exploring life's landmark ages in hilariously obsessive detail."
buy 30 | buy 40
buy Japanese 40
German 40 (unavailable)

Minor & Incomplete

Funct?
Antagozine
The ANTAGONISTIC magazine.
Survivor Deadpool
Deadpool Dead.
LiveBio
A great idea!
Unpalatable Ball
Featuring the Discontented Elf.

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