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Two Snail or Not Two Snail?
by Jay Veegee


Updated Weekly | The Beginning | Previously
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October 31, 2003

We're So Popular | 11:30 PM

The amount of famous friends that showed up at the Book of Ages release party was, to say the least, unsurprising. A full report on the night's activities over at Blog of Ages.

October 30, 2003

Election 2004 | 02:56 PM

My research for the "2004 Candidates at 30" series over on Blog of Ages, raises an interesting question;

Should a presidential candidate be automatically stricken from the ballot if their official campaign email address is

My current pick for 2004: 74-year-old recent college graduate Ms. Evelyn Louise Vitullo (pictured right, also a candidate in 2000).

October 28, 2003

Gratuitous Nudity | 12:44 PM

A selection from the website of Peter Leventhal, my high school art teacher, who I ran into outside the Barnes & Noble on 79th Street. (Yes, I was checking to see if they had the book.)

October 27, 2003

Important Announcement | 02:10 AM

Today is our third wedding anniversary.

This news is unrelated to the motto below.

Today's Motto | 01:59 AM

"If it doesn't look completely unlike Albertson, that's good enough for me!"

October 24, 2003

It's that personal touch that counts | 12:07 PM

From: E-response
Date: Fri, 24 Oct 2003 06:15:08 -0400 (EDT)

Thank you for your email. I appreciate you taking the time to contact me regarding such an important issue.

I assure you I will give the issue my full consideration. It is important to hear the concerns of my constituents from the 11th Congressional District.

Again, thank you for taking time to express your views. Please continue to contact my office in the future regarding any issue.

October 22, 2003

Advice to live by | 06:07 PM

From an 8-year-old to a 5-year-old, walking down the subway steps;

"If you want to be a person, you have to walk like a person."

October 21, 2003

ITEM: Book of Ages hits bookstores, internet | 01:01 PM

We've been putting in countless hours over the past few hours to make sure that the Book of Ages website is just right for publication day.

Exciting features include:
-Group Blog "of Ages" featuring the talents of popular bloggers Lockhart Steele and Jonathan Van Gieson, and unpopular non-blogger Joshua Albertson
-ThirtyMeter our patented "fuel gauge of life!"
-"Electronic" postcards useless but attractive!
-"How 30 Are You?" Quiz coming soon!
-Readers' Guide once again, coming soon!
and let's not forget a sneak peek inside the book!

Buy from Amazon [use this link to give an extra little kickback]
Or, stop by your local bookstore to pick up your brand shiny new copy of Book of Ages 30

October 20, 2003

Radio Free Iowa | 12:33 AM

For all you JVG fans in Burlington, Iowa, tune in at 8:45am today for a full half hour of Book of Ages fun on "The Big Show With Fred & Seven," KCPS-AM. Not just Fred, mind you: Fred AND Seven.

"Fred and Seven are just what you need in the morning. A handful of humor (not the hard laughing kind that starts a phlegm storm). A little dash of local info. And a pitch (sic) of naughty-but-nice. Plus a short celebrity/author interview."
Previous radio appearances:
Focus Rhode Island, WNRI
Sample quote: "I... uh... in order to spare your listeners my singing ablilities, I don't think I should [hum a few bars]."
The Resurrection of Buddy Cianci, Day to Day, NPR
Sample quote: "It's more interesting than, even, I think, you could possibly fit into a musical, or book."
Marketplace, NPR
Sample quote: "If they knock one of the fugitives down, they are not eligible to win the money."

Post-Show Update: [9:45am] Full roundup over at Book of

October 17, 2003

Finally: The Recognition I Deserve | 01:18 PM

After all these years in the Shadow of Weinstein, it takes the Dublin Evening Herald to finally recogize the true brains behind Tiny Ninja Theater.


Also heartwarming: her assumption that I can hear a phone ringing from almost 3,500 miles away.

October 15, 2003

Performance this weekend cancelled | 11:49 AM

Due to circumstances beyond our control, the Man of Infinite Desire performance this weekend has been cancelled. Don't worry, you won't miss the opportunity to see the sexiest devil this side of hell we promise to reschedule.

October 11, 2003

New Money | 12:13 PM

The bank machine has started spitting out toy money. Delightful! A close inspection of the just-released twenty dollar bills reveals some clever new anti-counterfeiting features, including:

New orange stripe confuses counterfeiters by making them think they're in Europe

Under the Dept of Treasury seal, the words "TWENTY USA USA TWENTY" appear all wavy. Almost impossible to duplicate without using Adobe Illustrator's "Warp" function
Andrew Jackson now looks slightly more perturbed, perhaps due to fact that an American Eagle is attacking his head
Shiny light-reflective color-shifting ink blinds evildoers

Evil swarm of yellow number "20s" lay siege to the White House (Value as anti-counterfeiting measure unclear)

Explore the Interactive Bill []

October 10, 2003

Promising New Bloggery | 05:09 PM

The most prolific and hilarious "Buddy" blogger rolls out with a solo blog called Certain Disaster ("The Ending is Obvious"). He's only got one post up so far, but you can catch his past journey of set building, self discovery, airbourne poisons, and bitter, bitter resentment over at the production blog set design archives.

Against everyone's better judgment, including his own, my father has started blogging His Official Position. My stepmother's reaction: horrified disbelief. For the first few posts, it was focused on invective against Dubya ("The C Student") and the Red Sox, but recently he's branched out into reviews of movies he hasn't seen.

Spiers is back in full force with The Kicker, otherwise known as "Elizabeth does exactly what she did on Gawker, but gets in to better parties." Hey, we're not complaining.

Just between you and me, I don't think BluBox has quite hit its stride yet. It's got verve, but the blogspot domain, infrequent posting, and incessant misspelling of my name are large points against it. Still, tasty morsels like the return of the "Good Call, Bad Form" feature from our college days make it worth a look. We'll keep reading until new episodes of Bardsley & Bridger appear.

EKG's Certain Disaster
BVG's That's My Official Position
Liz Spiers' The Kicker
Shepatucci's BluBox

October 09, 2003

MOID Production Blog | 11:55 AM

With only 10 days to go until the new version of Man of Infinite Desire premieres at The Bowery Poetry Club, Xina and I headed over to Bindlestiff's LuckyStiff @ The Pussycat Lounge to do some burlesque research.

The Pussycat building's unique combo of sleaze and art raises an interesting question: Why does Xina find the genuine strip club downstairs objectionable, but the burlesque show upstairs exciting? Same basic premise: women take off their clothes for money. A flight of steps (and a hefty cover charge for the burlesque) spell the difference between disturbing and intriguing. Why?

Production Notes:
Costume: add garders & hose. Red.
Routine: Pants off first, THEN shirt. Pants still a problem.
Solution: German professor. Will glasses from Buddy work?

Anne comments: "I don't know. One is a little more ironic. Better music?"

October 08, 2003

I'm thinking of running for office | 01:32 PM

So in the next few years, I plan to grab as much ass as I possibly can. Ladies, line 'em up.

Later, I'll apologize. Vote JVG!

October 06, 2003

Atonment in Aisle 6 | 12:17 PM

Xina, on her way out to the grocery store:

"I forgot, it's Yom Kippur. Only the Goya section is open today."

October 03, 2003

Digital Underground | 09:22 PM

How effective is the web address in a subway ad? I'm guessing: not very. To the best of my knowledge, I've only gone to one web address I've seen in transit,

Somehow, that just doesn't seem fair to the companies that spend their hard-won advertising dollars on a subway spot. So, in the interests of good sportsmanship, here are all of the ads I saw on my trip home today. Click now, and if you ever ride in MTA car no. 3725 in the future, you need not feel guilty about ignoring the ads. And, for those outside the NY area, it's a tantalizing taste of Life in the Big City:

October 02, 2003

PhotoBlog Alert! | 12:59 PM

It's long past the time that I should have linked to JCN's fotoblog over at, but here it is nonetheless.

Why now? Alexis wrote in:
"I wanted to let you know about my fotolog. I have been adding photos over the last month and feel like it is ready to be seen. Been trying to constantly update it every day or so, but then I forgot that I have it. This is why I don't blog, too much stress to always be producing!"

Oh, Alexis. You'll soon get over that feeling.

AVRobie's fotolog

And heck, since I still feel bad that couldn't get into Buddy, here's a link to him, too:

October 01, 2003

6 Months of Stripping | 01:26 PM

JVG: The Comic Strip celebrates its six-month anniversary today. Some vital statistics:

Total number of "official" strips: 38.5
Total number of (non-canonical) guest strips: 1

4 Panel Strips: 33.5
8 Panel Strips: 2
12 Panel Strips: 2
16 Panel Strips: 1

Characters Appearing (No. of Strips): JVG (39), Xina (28), The Cat (4), JJ the Barkeep (3), Dov (3), Bathroom Ducks (3), The Kitten (2), Grandma (1), Joey (1), Arthur Hedgehog (1), Token Booth Employee (1), Eyeglasses Salesman (1), Subway Rider [insane] (1), Background Diner (1), Large Bald Black Man (1), Lock (0)

Locations (No. of Strips): Undefined (6), The Bedroom (5), The Study (5), The Bathroom (3), The Kitchen (3), The Living Room (3), The Kitchen Table (3), Grace Bar/Restaurant/Ritual (2), F Train (2), In Front of The House (2), Eyeglasses Store (1), Joey's Uncles' (1), Subway Station (1), The Street (1), Grandma's House (1), A Restaurant (1), The Lower East Side (0)

Strips in which I forgot to draw my earrings in at least 1 panel: 6
A sewing machine mysteriously reverses direction: 1
My nose changes size in proportion to my face: 39

Strips about "current events": 2 (MTA Fare Hike, Northeast Blackout)
Name-brand products appearing: 4 (Titanium G4 PowerBook, MTA MetroCard, Devil Ducky, '93 Nissan Sentra)
Free products received as a result: Zero

Strips in which I appear undressed: 4
Strips in which Xina's navel is shown: 11
Number of men with whom I have appeared in bed: 2 (Dov, JJ)
Number of women: 1 (Xina)
Number of real people who have appeared in the strip with whom I have not appeared in bed: 2 (Joey, Grandma)

Strips in which I appear to be intoxicated: At least 2
Strips in which I appear to be eating a pile of sludge: 2

Things shaved: 2 (Head, Cat)
Injuries sustained: 3 (Severe beating, face full of food, straw in nose)
Strips including a drawing of a skull: 3

BEST PANEL: "I'll shave YOU!"
WORST PANEL: "Where to begin? Where to begin?"

Anthony comments: "You forgot one vital statistic... Total number of constructive things you could have been doing instead of wasting time compiling all of these statistics: 367."

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« September 2003 | Main | November 2003 »

Fine Burlesque Entertainments
Nasty Canasta
Official Burlesque Artist of, cheese queen of Coney Island
Jonny Porkpie
Nasty puppeteer and Burlesque Mayor of New York City.


Tales from the Established Norm
The post-college episodes of the strip from college.
One strip. One thousand endings.

Fred, The Obnoxious Goldfish
An angry slice of piscine fury from the mind of Jay Veegee
One-shot from the files.
Faust: a Primer
Created for the program of Man of Infinite Desire

Produces Interesting Theater. Such as...
Tiny Ninja Theater
No Small Parts. Only Small Actors.
Hudson Valley Playreading Series
"Buddy" Cianci: The Musical
Rhode Island's most popular politician, six times elected, twice convicted

Book of Ages
"Exploring life's landmark ages in hilariously obsessive detail."
buy 30 | buy 40
buy Japanese 40
German 40 (unavailable)

Minor & Incomplete

The ANTAGONISTIC magazine.
Survivor Deadpool
Deadpool Dead.
A great idea!
Unpalatable Ball
Featuring the Discontented Elf.

I Know Them All
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