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Two Snail or Not Two Snail?
by Jay Veegee

Two

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THE WEBLOG ARCHIVES: February 2004

February 24, 2004

The Perfect Sentence #12 | 11:16 AM
Being an attempt to craft The Perfect Sentence

Her every word was flatulence.


wvg comments: "There seems to be an obsession with gaseous emissions today. This does not bode well for the future quest for perfection. Dare I say it ? This one stinks. Was that too much, I wonder ?"

aeu comments: "thhhhhhhhpt."

jba comments: "jvg, thank you for not wasting any good sentences on non-paying gigs. carry on."

neilfred comments: "Okay, I know I'm a little late in commenting on this one, but really, resorting to fart jokes is pretty far from perfection."

The Perfect Sentence #11 | 03:31 AM
Being an attempt to craft The Perfect Sentence

Furtively, he blossomed.


wvg comments: "any sentence created at 3:45am cannot ever be perfect. This one is just silly, and not perfect."

aeu comments: "Though wvg is getting closer to perfection with each critique."

February 22, 2004

The Perfect Sentence #10 | 01:31 PM
Being an attempt to craft The Perfect Sentence

When in doubt, do as the doubters do.


wvg comments: "This is not a sentence, it's a proverb in the form of a sentence, and a bit of a boring one at that. I begin to despair of ever seeing anything like the perfect sentence here. This project is a sentence, or a curse. You really have to work with a bit more imagination. I'm getting depressed."

aeu comments: "Now, really, there you were, justly scolding me for harshness, and yet here, you have attacked not just the sentence, but the sentencer. And I worry about despair. Though perhaps when we strive for perfection, our only end will be despair. But go outside. Smell the birds. Listen to the flowers. There is life outside the endless imperfection of JVG's sentences. I promise."

jvg comments: "Its status as proverb does not nullify its simultaneous existence as sentence. A sentence, of any sort, is still a sentence, and thereby will be elegible for consideration in this exercize. Your anti-proverb agenda has been clear for some time, sir, and it will not stand. It will not stand. As for the rest, the endless imperfection of my sentences IS life."

February 20, 2004

The Perfect Sentence #9 | 02:29 PM
Being an attempt to craft The Perfect Sentence

The sign read "Book Repair call for an appointment," and on the door of the brownstone, silver, green, and seasonally anachronous, hung a Christmas wreath.


aeu comments: "Holy crap! Where to begin? What's with all the commas? Except where you need them? And your adjectives are modifying what? You're striving for perfection, not ass-ness."

wvg comments: "A little harsh on the part of aeu, as if it all mattered, as if anything did. The sentence just sucks, that's all, it's not a big thing. Well, it's a big sentence, so I guess it is a big thing, but not a good thing. It sucks. I wish I could be more succinct."

aeu comments: "My esteemed colleague urges temperance. I must agree. Forgive me. Ass-ness is so harsh. Especially when one is striving for perfection. Shouldn't the striving itself be cause for acclaim? Shouldn't we stand up and applaud and cheer--finally, someone who eschews mediocrity, who surveys humankind and sentence-kind and says, "We can do better. Nay, we must do better.""

February 19, 2004

The Perfect Sentence #8 | 10:15 AM
Being an attempt to craft The Perfect Sentence

My lack of enthusiasm could not be contained.


wvg comments: "Here we go, this is more like it. A clear and precise attempt to provide excitement and ennui in the same sentence. The brilliantly oxymoronic concept of a lack being uncontained, like a vacuum being full of hot air, just makes my senses tingle. Still not perfect,though, still rather badly wrinkled. Continue your efforts."

aeu comments: "I don't know. I mean, we;re striving for perfection here. And a lack simply can't be uncontained, though JVG can be full of hot air."

February 18, 2004

From the Files: The Sketchbooks | 05:15 PM

Plowing through old sketchbooks in search of a logo drawn for a friend three years ago, I have discovered some rather unnerving insights into my past self, which I will, of course, share with the world.

One in a series of sketchbook excerpts From the Files.

sketchbook1.gif
A moodily-lit Norm contemplates a JFK-esque portait of Mickey Mouse. NORM: "They look at you, and see what they want to be... they look at me, and see who they are. Haunted by the past..." c. 1996


The Perfect Sentence #7 | 04:03 PM
Being an attempt to craft The Perfect Sentence

It was fourteen years to the day since she had met Martine, that tramp, on a southbound trek across the northern midwest.


aeu comments: "You're the tramp."

wvg comments: "Once again filled with ambiguity. We are left to wonder about the word 'tramp', and the 'northern midwest' what ? what ? needless to say, far from perfect. nice mixed use of 'trek' and 'tramp' though. '...met Martine, that trek on a southbound tramp across the northern midwest'. might have been better."

February 16, 2004

The Perfect Sentence #6 | 06:32 PM
Being an attempt to craft The Perfect Sentence

He was known as behemoth, and he was angry.


wvg comments: "Sounds more like a movie promo than a sentence. A 50's movie promo."

aeu comments: "I'm not sure the weights match. "Behemoth" is a very weighty thing, and "Angry" isn't. I should prefer, He was known as Behemoth. And he was pissed."

wvg comments: "that would make it a 60's blacksloitation movie."

aeu comments: "I don't know. More like... He was known as Behemoth. And he was a bad motherf*cker. "

JVG comments: "Shut your mouth!"

Frankenstein comments: "Maybe... "He was known as Ron Jeremy, and it was angry.""

aeu comments: "He was known as Ron Jeremy, and he'd had a long night."

wvg comments: "He was known as behemoth and he was an embarrassment."

February 13, 2004

The Perfect Sentence #5 | 11:13 AM
Being an attempt to craft The Perfect Sentence

As she cut the strap the tear in its journey from her cheek to the parachute catching just for a moment the sunlight she wondered if this, finally, would be the deed that would tip the scales against her.


wvg comments: "To understand this it needs to be read aloud. Is the 'tear' a drippy wet thing, or a great big rip ? Keep trying."

aeu comments: "Huh? I do like the phrase, "great big rip, though." I think wvg is on to something."

neilfred comments: "I do like this one, but if you're going for "beauty and incisiveness", I think you've got a ways to go. For example, I think you'll agree that any sentence involving the phrase "talentless assclown" would be superior."

aeu comments: "I have to agree with neilfred. Perhaps he and wvg should collaborate?"

February 12, 2004

The Perfect Sentence #4 | 10:26 PM
Being an attempt to craft The Perfect Sentence

The yellow sang to him like an unfortunate canary.


wvg comments: "Oh no, not even close, oh my god, that is just not right !"

February 11, 2004

Talentless Assclown | 04:19 PM

Cheers to Danielle, who just introduced me to my new favorite phrase of all time:

"talentless assclown"


The Perfect Sentence #3 | 11:15 AM
Being an attempt to craft The Perfect Sentence

His grocery list read as follows: eggs (dozen); milk (pint); ice cream (chocolate); beer (case); cereal (in memory of); fruit (pomegranate); bacon; sausage; pain; suffering; anguish; steak (porterhouse).


aeu comments: "Interesting and artisitic, I'd say. But not perfect. The balance is off. But what is perfection, really?"

wvg comments: "A little forced, I would say. But then what is forced ? There are no parenthesis in the perfect sentence. (You should know that). Who are you freaking Joyce Carol Oates ?"

wvg comments: "I misspelled parentheses didn't I ? Or did I ? I did. So much for the perfect analysis."

KDunk comments: "she really shouldn't talk about her boyfriend like that. "

February 10, 2004

The Perfect Sentence #2 | 02:49 PM
Being an attempt to craft The Perfect Sentence

Her expression, though perplexed, was not perplexing.


Lockhart Steele comments: "Very, very nice work. "

wvg comments: "Not at all perfect, in fact, somewhat imperfect, as is this."

The Perfect Sentence #1 | 02:48 PM
Being an attempt to craft The Perfect Sentence

If anything, thought Tom, as he slid his foot into the pant leg, my opinion of myself has been slightly lowered.


wvg comments: "Who is Tom ? Why should I care ? Why does he ?"

February 09, 2004

The Perfect Sentence | 09:36 AM

I have decided that 2004 will be the year that I write the Perfect Sentence, the sentence of such beauty and incisiveness that all sentences that have come before it, and will come after, are obsolete. Will this sentence be crafted as the lead-in to a novel? Haven forfend no, this sentence will be a sentence for its own sake, standing alone against the world, independent in its resplendence.

I will be posting attempts here for your perusal; feel free to leave your impressions.


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