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Two Snail or Not Two Snail?
by Jay Veegee

Two

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THE WEBLOG ARCHIVES: June 2004

June 25, 2004

Nasty Week | 10:36 PM

NASTY CANASTA, the official Burlesque artist of jvg.com, is painting the town Nasty with 5, count 'em, five, shows in the next 8, count 'em, eight days.

Rumor has it she'll be doing completely different acts at each and every show, including (but not limited to) audience favorite Remote Control ("When Nasty turns on the TV, the TV turns on Nasty!"), reverse strip Morning After, and puppet burlesque Miracle Grow ("The more she shows, the more it grows!")

As an added bonus, yours truly will join her on stage for the 6/28 show.

FRIDAY, JUNE 25th at 1:00AM
Burlesque-a-Go-Go at
GALAPAGOS Art Space
70 North 6th Street, Williamsburg, Brooklyn

SUNDAY, JUNE 27th at 10PM
with RED HOTS BURLESQUE
at RiFiFi, 332 E. 11th St. (Bet. 1st & 2nd Ave.)

MONDAY, JUNE 28 at 9:30 PM
Monday Evening Burlesque at
GALAPAGOS Art Space

THURSDAY, JULY 1 at 10 PM
STARSHINE BURLESQUE
at RiFiFi

FRIDAY, JULY 2 at 1:00AM
Burlesque-a-Go-Go at
GALAPAGOS Art Space


aeu comments: "What exactly will you be DOING onstage?"

JVG comments: "Those who would like an answer to THAT question must either attend or — if they live in some backwater state halfway across the country — send a representative."

aeu comments: "Blast."

neilfred comments: "What about those who live in a backwater state halfway across the country but don't care what you'll be doing on stage and would just like to know what Nasty will be doing on stage?"

aeu comments: "hmmm....interesting point...."

JVG comments: "Those people can check out Nasty's newly-redesigned website for her picture of the week!"

June 21, 2004

It's like iTunes for the lazy and/or foolish! | 01:18 AM

ripdig.gif

Why not try RipDigital? WIRED says it "nicely organizes [your collection] by artist and album!" (Emphasis mine.) I've never heard of anything like that! And all you have to do is FedEx all your CDs to them, and pay them hundreds of dollars!

Or, better yet, FedEx all your CDs and several hundred dollars to me! I'll rip them, buy myself a new iPod, and I promise you can listen to it every time you come over! We'll have oodles of fun! You bring the beer!

Strangely, the RipDigital FAQ doesn't answer the question "Isn't this stupid?" But it does offer this tantalizing series of answers...

Does RipDigital offer a digital LP conversion service?
No. At this time RipDigital only offers a conversion service for music CDs.

Does RipDigital offer a digital photo conversion service?
No. At this time RipDigital only offers a conversion service for music CDs.

Does RipDigital offer a digital VHS conversion service?
No. At this time RipDigital only offers a conversion service for music CDs.


June 17, 2004

Important News | 11:32 PM

Monday's Andrew Snail strip, once again inexplicably delayed, is now available.


wvg comments: "Stop the cavalier attitude toward A.S. The depth of feeling and artistic genius of these strips is often missed. Do them on time and do them right !"

June 11, 2004

BGLVTV | 02:05 AM

How did I miss the TV debut [RealPlayer] of BatGirl's LegoVision Twins Baseball re-enactments?


mike comments: "try here: http://tpt.org/almanac/archive/ and scroll to the bottom of the page."

June 09, 2004

Ode to a Dead President | 06:49 PM

At first, I thought this statement won the prize for most inane news commentary heard during coverage of Reagan casket procession: (I'm 12% sure it was on NBC. I was flipping channels.)

"I think he was glad to be here... and glad to be Ronald Reagan."


But then I realized, it's only one syllable short of being a brilliant Haiku:

I think he was glad
To be here, and glad to be
Ronald Reagan


The Sketchbooks: A Decade Later | 04:39 PM

Title: "There Were Bullies"
Date: Summer, 1994
Inspiration: Childhood trauma

bullies1.gif

bullies2.gif
bullies3.gif
bullies4.gif


bullies5.gif


June 08, 2004

DreamLog | 11:38 AM

Wheel of Fortune taping; smart kid (glasses, messy hair) in the audience is answering everything, no letters needed. Good guesser, bad strategy; no money made without spinning the wheel.

Intermission. I go to the front of the stage, sit at the bar under the overhang. Chat with the tech crew in waiter vests. Drink shots of cranberry juice when the waiter brings it around. Two fingers of juice. Snacks are those little silver balls they used to put on top of cakes, served in tiny sliding drawers. I'm eating out of two different drawers.

Intermission's over, can I bring snacks back to my seat? Heavyset woman behind the counter: No, you have to eat them here.

Chug the cranberry juice, put all the little silver balls into one container to try to sneak them. Some rainbow sprinkles sneak in. Don't like rainbow sprinkles as much.

Starting back, I am stopped by a woman with red hair in a waiter vest. "Didn't I teach you to play [name of card game unremembered]?" She looks familiar. "You're [my name]," she tells me, "I took care of you when your mom was in a show."

She looks familiar. During Grapes? I ask. "No, at that theater in Tribecca, on the corner of [...]" I'm picturing that triangle where Varick hits Canal. Soho Playhouse?, I ask, wondering if the Soho Playhouse existed then. She looks familiar.

I look back up at the audience. Lots of heads. Far to the back, father, stepmother, brother sitting in our seats. Earlier in the dream, something about a swimming pool. Small blue waves. Turquoise. Now, I am barefoot. My sandals are back at the seats. I can almost see them.


John Hurron comments: "Was browsing through blogspot when I stumbled here"

June 07, 2004

The Perfect Sentence #26 | 05:53 PM
Being the first attempt in some time to craft The Perfect Sentence

Between memory and forgetting, there is a place known as "sort-of-remembering-something."


wvg comments: "Clearly the writer's skills have declined in the long layoff. God, I thought we were done with all this."

June 03, 2004

A Triumphant Return to the Stage | 11:17 AM

A staggering announcement: I shall be returning to the stage after an absence of nearly three years, joining Nasty Canasta for Slutty Puppets.

If you would like to be a witness this momentous event, join me tomorrow (Friday June 4th) at 10pm at CB's 313 Gallery.


aeu comments: "Are you one of the puppets?"

JVG comments: "Are you one of the SLUTS?"

June 01, 2004

Atlantic Yards: The Glossy Trifold | 06:13 PM

atlanticyards.jpgAtlantic Yards, the new "basketball arena/half-empty office towers/slum" slated to replace 23% of Brooklyn, should be vociferously objected to, if only in response to the exorbitant amount of money they just spent to send out — seemingly to every resident of the borough — a full-color glossy trifold, complete with pre-millennium-era Microsoft Office-inspired logo and multi-racial stock photos. The flier appears to be an attempt to bribe people to support the impending disaster area proposed development by promising a "Br-basketball-basketball-klyn Nets" souvenir. I'm holding out for the million dollars, myself.

The opposition, on the other hand, has not the funds to send out their own glossy trifold, nor even frame a coherent mission statement in the online petition. Who will win this battle of affluent real estate developer versus impecunious longtime residents? Only time will tell.

Standing Up Against Ratner's Brooklyn Real Estate Deal [Fair Development Brooklyn] & FAQ
"Ratner will take back an anticipated tax revenue of $28 million annually to pay off the debt associated with the up-front building costs he incurs... In other words, Ratner and his team ultimately get a lot of it for free. In case the venture fails, we'll bail them out. "
Bring Basketball to Brooklyn!
"The fast paced, 'in your face' action of today’s NBA was born right here on the asphalt of Brooklyn’s playgrounds and now we can bring it back to the hard wood of a beautiful new arena located in downtown Brooklyn."
Basketball Fans Against Ratner
Nets of Plenty [NY Press]
Casting a critical eye on the roughly $2 billion a year in public subsidies that go toward building new pro sports facilities. [Field of Schemes]


aeu comments: "Nothing offends JVG more than a bad logo."

JVG.com gets Nasty | 04:06 PM

blondeblackundiesfullsmall.jpgWith Burlesque popping up in all the local mags, the time has come for JVG.com to name our favorite Burlesque performer.

blondewigandboasmall.jpgAnd that performer is... NASTY CANASTA*.

"Fine burlesque entertainments with just a splash of zesty, delicious nastiness." You haven't heard Nirvana until you've seen Nasty do an act called Remote Control... during a recent performance, one member of the audience enthused "You're doing Kurt justice, baby!"

She's appearing this Friday at CB's Gallery with Slutty Puppets.

Nasty Canasta's Nasty Little Website

* JVG.com does not aver, assert, affirm of infer that this choice is in any way, shape, or form, unbiased.


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Pinchbottom
Fine Burlesque Entertainments
Nasty Canasta
Official Burlesque Artist of JVG.com, cheese queen of Coney Island
Jonny Porkpie
Nasty puppeteer and Burlesque Mayor of New York City.

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