Jonathan Van Gieson . com
Two Snail or Not Two Snail?
by Jay Veegee


Updated Weekly | The Beginning | Previously
« June 2004 | Main | August 2004 »


July 31, 2004

At the bank | 12:38 PM

"Goin' out tonight?" the teller grins at me as she counts out the sixty dollars in singles I am getting to make change at the door for Cold War Burlesque, "Have fun."

aeu comments: "She's really not that far off!"

July 30, 2004

Your Weekend Plans | 09:05 AM

The night for COLD WAR BURLESQUE, which is already receiving attention from several prominent media outlets. We have it on good authority that Nasty Canasta, the official Burlesque artist of AND your hostess for the evening, will be doing not-one-but-two brand new numbers, composed especially for the show.

Saturday, July 30
Show starts at 9pm, doors open at 8pm
@ Siberia
356 West 40th at 9th Ave (Red Light over Black Door)
$8, no drink minimum


And, for those of you needing entertainment this very night, the newest version of MAN OF INFINITE DESIRE opens at The Hell Festival. Last time, said "Complex as a puzzle yet also as simply delightful as a magician pulling a coin from your ear, Man of Infinite Desire calls to you like a ringmaster to watch your own preconceptions of life, death, hell and desire appear on the high wire. Answer the call." They're sending another reviewer this time only time will tell what this one says.

Friday, July 30 @ 7pm, Thusday, August 5 @ 7pm, Monday, August 9 @ 8:30pm, Saturday, August 14 @ 3pm, Thursday, August 19 @ 7pm
at The Brick: 575 Metropolitan Ave, Williamsburgh, Brooklyn
G to Metropolitan Ave or L to Lorimer

July 27, 2004

Andrew Snail Updated | 11:56 AM

The lewdness continues with this week's exciting episode: Andrew Snail: Hot Under the Collar

July 24, 2004

Shell Game | 08:20 PM

Duck! Cover!Research for Cold War Burlesque led to MPEGs of this well-known gem from 1951. How far we've come. How very, very far.

Bert the Duck & Cover Turtle (1951)
Herman the FEMA spokescrab (2003) and the FEMA for Kids Rap!

July 22, 2004

JVG: The Comic Strip: The Brief Hiatus | 11:18 PM

Nothing says "we're gearing up for the upcoming 100th episode of JVG: the comic strip" like taking a few days off! The strip will return on Monday Tuesday Wednesday with Episode 99, and after that... the debut of everyone who has complained about not being put in the strip!

In the meantime, a quick look at the evolution of my nose over the course of the past 98 episodes, from episodes 4, 14, 46, 72, and 95, respectively.

neilfred comments: "the debut of everyone who has complained about not being put in the strip! ooh ooh! Am I too late to complain?"

JVG comments: "Ooooh, I'm sorry, yes. Plus, I wouldn't know how to draw you."

Lock comments: "First Palmermix goes dark, and now this? Who's got my sweet, sweet hemlock? "

JVG comments: "Remember, you can always generate new strips from the carcasses of old ones using the patented JVG: the comic strip randomizer (click the "JVG" below)! Now with 2 exciting panel sizes!"

aeu comments: "Whatever. We want new stuff!"

neilfred comments: "Ah, you know what this website is missing? The random Andrew Snail generator!"

neilfred comments: "I may be mistaken, but it seems to me that Monday has come and gone without this mythical 99th strip appearing."

JVG comments: "I clearly said "Wednesday.""

neilfred comments: "Ah, my mistake."

July 21, 2004

Ce-web-rity. | 10:38 PM

It's rare that a blog comes out of the gate with insight, intelligence, verve, and... dare I say it? Downright brilliance. I can think of one such example in recent history, but it has been a dog's age since I been so impressed by a blog as I am by "Cewebrity."

At least, the one post I read.

Lock comments: "I'm with you. Though I would think a little more coverage of me might have been in order. "

ben comments: "I'd love to do a full interview or expose or fucking picture diary with either/both of you. Coverage is a hard thing to come by when you're just bored and don't really have anything to go on but a funny blog entry on some dude's site. let me know, you both know how to find me. "

July 19, 2004

Observations Made by Commercials
Are Often Inaccurate
| 03:19 PM

With the coming of the third full week in July comes a brand new site feature; Observations Made by Commercials Are Often Innaccurate. The feature will focus not on the grandiose claims of the taglines (i.e. "Since the dawn of time, mankind has always known: it's just not a mix without the Chex"), but rather on the more subtle statements often casually thrown in at the beginning of an ad which one is expected to accept without question. (And without which the internal logic of the commercial if such a phrase can be said without snickering will collapse.)

This week's entry was, if I remember correctly, in support of a fast food franchise:

"Nearly every week you hear about a new salad."

July 18, 2004

Andrew Snail Updated | 10:20 PM

This week's exciting episode: Andrew Snail Goes Both Ways

Blossom | 12:31 AM

Finally, a reason to go to Restaurant Row: Blossom Dearie in Danny's Skylight Room. Tonight's show reminded me (among other things) of why it's so easy to love Cole Porter. If you haven't heard Blossom's version of "Give Him the Ooh-La-La" recently, then your music collection is sadly lacking; if you haven't heard a song called "Bruce," then you're just like me, earlier in the evening. I've since rectified my mistake.

aeu comments: "That is EXTREMELY cool."

July 12, 2004

Andrew Snail Comes Out! | 02:08 AM

This week's exciting episode: Andrew Snail Comes Out!

July 10, 2004

Poster Designs for Election 2004 | 12:32 PM

I'm starting to feel like I should have turned down this design job. In fact, I should probably turn down all design jobs offered to me in a dark alley by a trenchcoated man who looks suspiciously like Dick Cheny in a false moustache.

But the money was so good...


Addendum (Sunday, July 11 @ 1:35pm): 1 day later, Yahoo News picks up the story.

aeu comments: "Oh, you shouldn't have told. Now they're going to kill you."

WVG comments: "Be afraid, be very afraid."

deanna comments: "dude. it's all over the freakin' news now. see what you've done?!"

July 07, 2004

Worst of Both Worlds Department | 06:52 PM


Discount airline Song should perhaps look into hiring local talent to produce their site-specific advertising; this tagline, splayed across 50 feet of Houston Street, was clearly the handiwork an out-of-towner who delved no further into the research library than a 1991 Zagat.


Krista comments: "I rememebr this kind of wildly gernerlized "I'm a new yorker" humor popping into other add campains. Rencently Ringling brothers had some slogan to the effect of "crazy, even by NY standards." Seems advertising pegged us an entirly different market. "

Rory comments: "Hey--where's the photo? ... or at least the cross-street. I'd like to see this for myself."

JVG comments: "If I remember correctly, it was across from the Angelica."

July 06, 2004

Andrew Snail: Being and Nothingness | 10:40 AM

Given Mr. Veegee's tenuous grasp on the concept of "Monday," has decided to offer to our readers a new service; we shall post to the blog each time a new Andrew Snail strip is published below.

This week's exciting episode: Andrew Snail: Being and Nothingness

July 02, 2004

Summer Fun! | 11:40 PM

As the brand new "Summer Fun!" bar on the right-hand side of your screen indicates, I shall once again be incessantly hawking theatrical projects in the coming summer months. Some of said projects are as follows:

The newly-revamped for 2004 MAN of INFINITE DESIRE at the Brick's Hell Festival. Yes, once again my hot and talented wife will perform her mind-blowing one-woman version of Faust. If you saw the 2002 production in NYC (scroll down for review), this version is quite different. If you saw the Summer 2003 production at the Woodstock Fringe, this version is not as different as it is different from the 2002 production, but still quite different. Those of you who saw the Fall 2003 production are imagining things. (Also appearing at that festival is Cagey Productions' Blue Puppies in Hell.)

Pinchbottom, the brand spanking new Burlesque division of 4Panel Productions has put together its first show, and it's a hum-doozy. When it was determined that it would take place the legendary Siberia, what else could Pinchbottom do but COLD WAR BURLESQUE? From Yalta to the Bay of Pigs to Sputnik to Star Wars to the fall of the USSR, is there any better inspiration for beautiful women to remove their clothing?

So far, the lineup includes the sultry Vegas-style shimmyings of Veronika Sweet, the red hot red hotness of Scooter Pie and Dottie Lux of the Red Hots and, of course, the nasty-style nastiness of's official Burlesque artist, Nasty Canasta.

So check out of your bomb shelter and into Cold War Burlesque; we guarantee that this will be the hottest Cold War you've ever seen! (Other possible taglines include: "Of all the burlesque you've ever seen, this is the Glasnost!")

mattv.dishvak comments: "I found your site while searching on Yahoo for examples of blogs. I am trying to start my own and I'm trying to learn how this works."

January 2006 | December 2005 | November 2005 | October 2005 | September 2005 | August 2005 | July 2005 | June 2005 | May 2005 | April 2005 | March 2005 | February 2005 | January 2005 | December 2004 | November 2004 | October 2004 | September 2004 | August 2004 | July 2004 | June 2004 | May 2004 | April 2004 | March 2004 | February 2004 | January 2004 | December 2003 | November 2003 | October 2003 | September 2003 | August 2003 | July 2003 | June 2003 | May 2003 | April 2003 | March 2003 | February 2003 | January 2003 | December 2002 |

A Sobering Thought | Comic Strip | Detritus | Dreamlog | Famous Friends | From The Files | Inbox | News Analysis | Now That I'm Famous | NYC | Observed/Overheard | Photos | Press | Production Updates | Quotation Ad Propositum | Reviews & Awards | The Early Years | The Gallivants of Fame | The Perfect Sentence | Today in History | Travels | Works |

« June 2004 | Main | August 2004 »

Fine Burlesque Entertainments
Nasty Canasta
Official Burlesque Artist of, cheese queen of Coney Island
Jonny Porkpie
Nasty puppeteer and Burlesque Mayor of New York City.


Tales from the Established Norm
The post-college episodes of the strip from college.
One strip. One thousand endings.

Fred, The Obnoxious Goldfish
An angry slice of piscine fury from the mind of Jay Veegee
One-shot from the files.
Faust: a Primer
Created for the program of Man of Infinite Desire

Produces Interesting Theater. Such as...
Tiny Ninja Theater
No Small Parts. Only Small Actors.
Hudson Valley Playreading Series
"Buddy" Cianci: The Musical
Rhode Island's most popular politician, six times elected, twice convicted

Book of Ages
"Exploring life's landmark ages in hilariously obsessive detail."
buy 30 | buy 40
buy Japanese 40
German 40 (unavailable)

Minor & Incomplete

The ANTAGONISTIC magazine.
Survivor Deadpool
Deadpool Dead.
A great idea!
Unpalatable Ball
Featuring the Discontented Elf.

I Know Them All
A new panel every day | About | Randomly Generated Strip | The Beginning | Recently
contact: | AIM
Hosted by Fictional Company, Powered by Movable Type | ©2004 or thereabouts