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Two Snail or Not Two Snail?
by Jay Veegee


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July 29, 2005

Andrew Snail Art Book | 07:44 PM

A newly-published Andrew Snail strip (above) celebrates the publication of the newly-published The Adventures of Andrew Snail Art Book by celebrated publisher CafePress. Though appearing vertically in the Andrew Snail Store, once ordered, this book can be easily turned to a horizontal position for ease of reading.

The cover, you'll notice, is a triumph of minimalist design, appropriate in style to be associated with the art show with which it is published in conjunction. It also features a savvy use of the underused Gotham font from the Hoefler/Frere-Jones foundry.

The book is bound in the popular paperback format, making use of wire-o binding technology, at a comfortable size of five inches by eight inches. CafePress reports a page count of 82pp, though it factors both sides of the paper to achieve this number. The strips, it should be noted, only appear on one side of said paper, not only for the purpose of achieving a certain sparse elegance, but also for better readability, less distraction, and to facilitate note-taking, if so desired. However, for the purposes of veracity, a more accurate page count would perhaps be 41.

The Adventures of Andrew Snail Art Book is available for the paltry sum of $20. Considering that most of these comic strips can be found online for free, a better bargian cannot be conceived. I would advise purchasing several copies immediately, as subsequent printings will no doubt be less valuable. Second printing.

neilfred comments: "But still no t-shirt?? Still, being the longtime fan of Mr. Veegee's work that I am, I suppose I'll probably have to cough up the $20."

July 20, 2005

30 Seconds of Heaven: Pre-Movie Commercials | 03:49 AM

According to The Houston Chronicle via a blurb on IMDb, "[movie] exhibitors maintain that they have received few complaints from the public about" pre-show advertisements in movie theaters. AMC spokesperson Pam Blase confidently backs this assertion with hard numbers: "the chain receives one complaint for every 600,000 guests."

Personally, I haven't been complaining because the idea subjecting an employee working for minimum wage to a tirade regarding a corporate policy over which they have no control seems, at best, painfully obnoxious. And I prefer to save my painful obnoxiousness for friends, family, and people I meet at parties. But the Chron concludes: "As long as theaters are getting a steady income stream from commercials and as long as patrons aren't complaining, you can bet cinema ads are here to stay." Displeasure, it seems, must be expressed explicitly, so to whom shall we explicitly express it?

Can we regard Ms. Blase's statement as an invitation to whine to her? Certainly we can, based on simple statistics: out of every 60,000 guests at AMC cinemas, not a single one has told us not to pester Pam Blase about commercials. Which means, according to Ms. Blase's logic, that it's not a problem. As further evidence in support of this supposition, Ms. Blase's email address is readily available via a google search. QED: Complain away, explorers!

In the same article Jim Kozak, editor in chief of In Focus, the magazine of NATO, the National Association of Theater Owners, offers this charming insight: "When (patrons) get there early to get a really good seat, they like to have something to keep them busy, something to do besides talk to the person they came with." Proposed new NATO slogan: "Nothing says you don't care like a ticket to the movies!" As long as we're complaining, Jim seems as good a choice as Pam. He can likely be reached thru InFocus Magazine. In fact, make a day of it and email both!

aeu comments: "Wow, if you're going to update this site I might get to start reading it again!"

July 18, 2005

Three days in a row? | 03:11 AM

My goodness, it's almost as if there were a blog extant on this web presence!

Shilling for others
A play completed

July 17, 2005

Shilling for Others: A Warm Feeling Grows | 01:30 PM

Of late, the blatant, unrepentant shilling on this web presence has been weighted heavily, if not exclusively, in the direction of events or publications involving the author or his naked wife. In an attempt to somewhat mitigate this incessant blatherskite, we offer the publication of a shill regarding our Famous Friends, to wit:

Our friends Bryn & Rich have a comedy group. The name of this comedy group is, unfortunately, "Hooray for Everything!" but don't let that fool you, they're actually quite good. They do short form improv games, and they do them damn well.

Because of this, the kids got booked at Caroline's, which according to the headers on their website is "America's premier comedy club". The bad news is, they need 100 people in the audience, or Caroline herself will personally beat them down.

I decree: you should go. My naked wife agrees. We'll be there. Cover is surprisingly low, and let's face it we were all going to have two drinks anyway.


Hooray for Everything!: Broadway Debut
@ Caroline's on Broadway
1626 B'way btw. 49th and 50th
Tuesday, August 9th at 7:00pm
$5.00 cover, 2 drink min.

Advance Reservations Required: 212-757-4100 for tickets

July 16, 2005

Writing Report: Van Gieson's Off His Ass | 02:01 AM

2 dogs, 4 cats, 2 gerbils, and a turtle: Housesitting, 4 days. A play completed. (Disclaimer: first draft.)

Vital Stats, New Play:
Pre-Edit Word Count: 19,395
Pre-Edit page count: 74 (Garamond, 11pt)

Author's Current Feeling About Work: Perplexed
Next Step: Enjoy Celebratory Boylan Brand Black Cherry Soda, Spell Check

Frequency of occurrence in script, certain words:
"Well": 38
"Fine": 38 (TIE!)
"Love": 8
"Sex": 8
"Death": 2
"Taxes": 0
"Art": 14
"Fuck": 28 (Cue criticism from Dov)
"Naked": 69 (Coincidental: Not kidding)
"Nakeder": 1
"Totally": 2 (after Wuthering High, a new low!)
"Important": 6
"Famous": 3
"Is": 853

Working Title of Play:
"Nude. or, the putrid muse"

Number of times title word ("nude") appears in play: 34
Number of people other than the author who find these statistics interesting: 0

A play completed: Spam is sure to follow. Want to be sure not to miss it?

neilfred comments: "Number of people other than the author who find these statistics interesting: 1"

aeu comments: "I don't give a rats ass about the play. Write the damn book."

July 12, 2005

Introspection, spam-style | 11:55 PM

A spam from ',' attempting to sell me "Iogo" design services, offers this helpful observation:

"Contemporary rhythm of life is too dynamic."

A Google search for "dynamic rhythm" expands the thought: Our first result, here, yeilds the following article: The Solar System Interplanetary Electromagnetic Field Matrix and the Biological Clock.

The objective of this article is to lay the foundation for the concept that the Biological Clock mechanism is in fact not an internal one but a follower of the dynamic & rhythmic fluctuations in the Solar System Interplanetary Electromagnetic Field Matrix (SSIEFM) and the rhythmically pulsating Geomagnetic Field of the Earth (GMF). The Pineal-Hypothalamic-Pituitary Axis (PHPA) is the clock coordinator for the organism as a whole. The intracellular regulator of DNA transcription is currently being worked out as the clock coordinator of cellular metabolism."
Pseudo-science: yum-licious good.

(For those checking in: 5 pages left before bedtime. Well: first cherry soda, then bedtime.)

July 10, 2005

You Call This Art? | 03:13 PM

It is confirmed: my first gallery showing since 1996.

The exhibition, entitled "You Call This Art?": The Cartoons of Jonathan Van Gieson, will grace the walls (and eventually, in all likelihood, the floor) of The Gallery at Woodstock Fringe from August 12 through September 4, 2005.

Works featured will include pertinent episodes of various comic strips, some examples from the files, never-before-seen works, and even (stifle your gasps of disbelief, if you would be so kind) some entirely new works.

In celebration thereof, Andrew Snail returns today.

Can the MOMA be far behind? One can only hope.

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Fine Burlesque Entertainments
Nasty Canasta
Official Burlesque Artist of, cheese queen of Coney Island
Jonny Porkpie
Nasty puppeteer and Burlesque Mayor of New York City.


Tales from the Established Norm
The post-college episodes of the strip from college.
One strip. One thousand endings.

Fred, The Obnoxious Goldfish
An angry slice of piscine fury from the mind of Jay Veegee
One-shot from the files.
Faust: a Primer
Created for the program of Man of Infinite Desire

Produces Interesting Theater. Such as...
Tiny Ninja Theater
No Small Parts. Only Small Actors.
Hudson Valley Playreading Series
"Buddy" Cianci: The Musical
Rhode Island's most popular politician, six times elected, twice convicted

Book of Ages
"Exploring life's landmark ages in hilariously obsessive detail."
buy 30 | buy 40
buy Japanese 40
German 40 (unavailable)

Minor & Incomplete

The ANTAGONISTIC magazine.
Survivor Deadpool
Deadpool Dead.
A great idea!
Unpalatable Ball
Featuring the Discontented Elf.

I Know Them All
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