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THE WEBLOG ARCHIVES: December 2005
December 28, 2005
Where's My Stuff: Epilogue | 11:50 AM
Apparently, some customers are getting so frustrated with Amazon, they have lost the ability to distinguish between that company's website and jvg.com; "Longnails61" writes:
From: "Long n/a"
For the record: I am, in fact, neither the Amazon nor the Azamon customer service department. Any rumors to the contrary are vicious, vicious lies. I am simply the composer of a heartwarming holiday poem which makes mention of said company. Also, my religious beliefs prevent me from doing anything "a pomplely". However, another jvg.com correspondent may be able to help. Smelly Big Head writes:
Clement Moore couldn't have done better.Be sure to keep us informed about your progress, LongNails61, because nothing is more interesting than updates about a missing package from Amazon.com.
December 24, 2005
Where's My Stuff? The Final Entry | 05:16 PM
Did this heartwarming holiday tale of missing presents resolve itself in a manner befitting a heartwarming holiday tale? How better to answer that question than through heartwarming holiday poetry? No better, that's how! And so...
THE NIGHT BEFORE GIFTMAS
'Twas the night before Christmas -- afternoon (near enough),
I ordered ten days ago, plenty of time
Lock comments: "You still use Entourage? "
JVG comments: "Yes, because it fits the rhyme scheme."
Where's My Stuff? Update #5 | 12:34 PM
The doorbell rings...
Where's My Stuff? Update #4 | 10:25 AM
Can it be? Can it be? From Kentucky to Newark to Brooklyn to Newark, and now Shipment #5 (2 items) is out for delivery in Brooklyn!
Dec 24, 2005 08:33:32 AM BROOKLYN NY US Out for delivery
What can explain how a package that leaves Kentucky at 2:32pm can arrive at Newark -- a drive of fourteen (14) hours, or flight of several hours -- a mere 2 hours 14 minutes later? Or how that same package can leave Newark at 4:30am, and arrive in Brooklyn 90 Minutes Earlier? Xmas magic, that's what! On Dasher, on Dancer, on UPS, on Vixen!
Could a happy ending be in sight for our little Xmas tale?
December 23, 2005
Where's My Stuff? Update #3 | 12:22 PM
Excitement galore! UPS arrives today with two (2) packages!
Then, I check the tracking for Shipment #5 (2 items):
Can Shipment #5 (2 items) make it from Kentucky to Brooklyn in one (1) day? And what about this cryptic holiday schedule note from UPS: "Saturday Dec 24 Delivery for Saturday Air shipments only. Pickup service is not available. *UPS SonicAir is also available." Would Amazon have sent these presents Saturday Air? I shall wait on Xmas eve day with baited breath. Baited, of course, with mulled wine.
December 22, 2005
Where's My Stuff? Update #2 | 08:03 PM
Shipment #4 (2 items): Shipped on December 18th, 2005
Where's My Stuff? Update #1 | 03:19 PM
Shipment #3 (1 item): Shipped today!
Amazon: Where's my Stuff? | 12:12 PM
An exciting new feature, in which you, the reader, can join me, the site proprietor, in waiting breathlessly for holiday gifts to arrive from Amazon... will they arrive in time for a Merry Xmas? Or will they be gifts for the 8th day of Chanukah? Only UPS, the USPS, and Amazon know for sure.
THE STORY SO FAR:
On December 14th, well within the Amazon "Free Super Saver Shipping" deadline for December 24, I place an order for 9 items and select as my option "Free Super Saver Shipping". Delivery estimate: December 23! For my convenience, Amazon divides the order into 5 different shipments! (Italics mine.)
Here is the tale of those 5 little shipments:
Shipment #1 (3 items): Shipped December 16th, 2005
...and now the fun begins!
Shipment #3 (1 item): Shipping Soon!
But never fear, Amazon is on the case! Here, as proof of their competence, is the email I received yesterday at 8:44am:
I wrote them back, explaining that I was unhappy with this turn of events. Not 8 hours later, they responded!
From: "Amazon.com Customer Service" Date: 21 Dec 2005 13:15:44 -0800 To: email@example.com Subject: Your Amazon.com Order (#xxx-xxxxxxx-xxxxxxx)
Never mind that a package that had not yet been shipped got lost in shipping, or that, according to the Better Business Bureau "Federal law requires orders made by mail, phone or online to be shipped by the date promised"... there's nothing like an "apology for the inconvenience" to warm the cockles of my heart in this, the most holly of holiday seasons.
A few hours after that, the notice came that Shipment #5 had shipped, containing 2 of the items mentioned in the email. Plus, the other shipment mentioned above, which duplicates one of the two items shipped in Shipment #5. Which will arrive first? If the package with the one duplicate item arrives first, should I reject it in the hopes that the package with both items arrives in time? Will Xina have her gifts for Xmas Morning? The excitement builds! Ding ding dingaling ding ding dingaling ding ding dingaling ding!
December 19, 2005
Open Letter To The House of Representatives | 11:22 AM
Sirs, you should be ashamed of yourselves.
December 14, 2005
MTA: Fair & Balanced | 02:10 PM
Strike Contingency Plan
Negotiations between the MTA and the Transport Workers Union are continuing in an effort to avoid a strike. In the event of such an illegal action, however, travel options for customers will be limited.
* MTA Strike Contingency Plan, MTA.info
December 08, 2005
Boners #3 | 12:39 PM
"Faith is that quality which enables us to believe what we know to be untrue."
December 07, 2005
Boners #2 | 12:39 PM
"Science is material. Religion is immaterial."
December 06, 2005
Boners #1 | 12:35 PM
"The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made men think."
Boners Intro | 12:29 PM
In 1931, Alexander Abington released a book entitled "Boners," a word which, at the time, carried a completely non-sexual connotation -- it meant, in essence, "screw ups." ("Screw" meant in a completely non-sexual way, of course.) In this book, Abington collected mistakes he had gleaned from student papers during his years as a teacher. (The internet, of course, has replaced print publishing as the preferred manner in which to convey "boners" collected by modern schoolmarms.)
But many of the statements Abington classified as "mistakes" are, in fact, moments of deep insight from Jazz Age school kids, and remain relevant even to this new millenium. They are in fact so relevant, they might even be considered "axioms". (As one child observed "An axiom is a thing that is so visible that it is not necessary to see it".)
Over the next few days, I will share some of the most acute of these observations on this very web presence.
SRoberts comments: "Did you know that that 1931 published comment from a 1920s child about "faith" appears almost word for word in Dracula by Bram Stoker published in 1897? The copy I have derives it from Mark Twain - Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar in The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson (1894) where it is attributed to "a schoolboy" - this is getting very circular!"
December 04, 2005
Plan 9.75" | 03:46 PM
Ever wanted to see Jonny Porkpie as Ed Wood? No, probably not. But you can: tonight at 10pm, Rififi, in a number entitled Plan 9.75". Above: a prop for that very number. Chilling!
December 02, 2005
Hey, I just installed MT 3.2! | 10:38 PM
I'm so far ahead of the curve I'm looking down its throat! But did everything break? I hope not!
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