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February 08, 2009

A look back in pen & ink & anger | 10:49 AM

A panel from JVG: the comic strip from April 3, 2003. Ah, how young and innocent we were.

Now, that milestone of "old" is a mere six weeks away...

January 27, 2006

Lost Fred | 02:41 AM

Will wonders never cease? I have just unearthed a lost episode of "Fred the Obnoxious Goldfish," purporting to be from the year 1900, and in the style of that time. This cartoonery was originally published in the still-topical "Y2K" issue of "Bunk Magazine", written primarily by me, I'm proud to say. Looking back, I can only marvel at the cleverness of the conceit... an online humor magazine, affected by the Y2K bug reverts to the style of a Hearst-era newspaper! But (and get this)... it's still online! Mind-boggling, ain't it?

Fred the Obnoxious Goldfish, from the beginning.

Although I am no longer affiliated with Bunk, and am therefore no longer able to contribute side-splitting concepts like the one above, the online humor mag (to the best of my knowledge) continues to this very day, under the auspices of my old friend Mark Marino.

Alexis Robie comments: "Ah...remember bunklets?"

JVG comments: "I think you mean Bunk Films"

Alexis comments: "I thought we were going to call them bunklets...cute and tasty bunklets"

Bill Paily comments: "I'm so glad I never take anything down. I knew one day someone would link to this piece. Wishing you the best here in JVG land. BTW, I think there are still bunklets."

January 01, 2006

Brand New Andrew Snail Begins Today | 12:00 AM

With the exciting episode "Andrew Snail Meets The Slowly Creeping Flower!"

November 27, 2005

Andrew Snail: Down to the Wire | 10:51 AM

Only four Andrew Snail reprints left from Collection 1: The Adventures of Andrew Snail. We'll be posting those throughout the remainder of 2005, and the, coming in 2006: Brand Spanking New Andrew Snail, as only Andrew Snail can be brand new!

Plus, our new guarantee: Andrew Snail Weekly, uninterrupted for the next three months.

Until then, be sure to purchase several copies of Collection 1 for gift use, available now through the publisher CafePress. N.B. Despite the implication of this strip, please note that the book is not in any way discounted.

October 13, 2005

Andrew Snail fails to acquire licence to kill | 08:21 PM

In what is sure to become an international incident, Andrew Snail (who, after appearing in this comic strip, was rumored to be a frontrunner to step into the tuxedo of superspy James Bond in the upcoming Sony pictures release Casino Royale) has failed to land the coveted role. Instead, British actor Daniel Craig will be issued the 007 number.

Spokespeople for the mollusk report that Mr. Snail appears disappointed by the news. Casino Royale, directed by Martin Campbell, with Judi Dench returning as M and John Cleese as Q, is slated for release in 2006.

August 23, 2005

Andrew Snail: The Movie 2 | 12:42 AM

The Andrew Snail celebration continues with ANDREW SNAIL: THE MOVIE 2, the first complete Andrew Snail movie, based upon this episode of The Adventures of Andrew Snail. Music provided by Mike Tarantino. Roll 'em, Sidney!


August 16, 2005

You Call This Art? Reception | 11:58 AM

This weekend, SATURDAY AUGUST 20th, there will be a reception for YOU CALL THIS ART?, a Gallery Showing of the works of Jonathan Van Gieson and Jay Veegee.

Byrdcliffe Theater, Woodstock, NY

The YOU CALL THIS ART? reception will be followed at 8pm by a play called ART, by Yasmina Reza. Highly recommended, though I haven't seen it yet. More info here.

July 29, 2005

Andrew Snail Art Book | 07:44 PM

A newly-published Andrew Snail strip (above) celebrates the publication of the newly-published The Adventures of Andrew Snail Art Book by celebrated publisher CafePress. Though appearing vertically in the Andrew Snail Store, once ordered, this book can be easily turned to a horizontal position for ease of reading.

The cover, you'll notice, is a triumph of minimalist design, appropriate in style to be associated with the art show with which it is published in conjunction. It also features a savvy use of the underused Gotham font from the Hoefler/Frere-Jones foundry.

The book is bound in the popular paperback format, making use of wire-o binding technology, at a comfortable size of five inches by eight inches. CafePress reports a page count of 82pp, though it factors both sides of the paper to achieve this number. The strips, it should be noted, only appear on one side of said paper, not only for the purpose of achieving a certain sparse elegance, but also for better readability, less distraction, and to facilitate note-taking, if so desired. However, for the purposes of veracity, a more accurate page count would perhaps be 41.

The Adventures of Andrew Snail Art Book is available for the paltry sum of $20. Considering that most of these comic strips can be found online for free, a better bargian cannot be conceived. I would advise purchasing several copies immediately, as subsequent printings will no doubt be less valuable. Second printing.

neilfred comments: "But still no t-shirt?? Still, being the longtime fan of Mr. Veegee's work that I am, I suppose I'll probably have to cough up the $20."

May 06, 2005

Andrew Snail Updated! | 02:46 PM

Why more Andrew Snail? Why, then, not?

wvg comments: "A.B.F.T."

izzy comments: "Yes, yes. Wonderful. But...What the f*%$ are you trying to say? "

February 20, 2005

Updates, apparently | 04:14 PM

For no good reason, a new Andrew Snail strip makes its online debut today: ANDREW SNAIL, MASTER OF DISGUISE.

Housekeeping note: From your friends in the consolidated archives department, several minor or incomplete diversions have made their way into the back alleys of today: The Poke the Evil Nun Game, Opposite Day brief interlude, the inane and confusingly organized You're the Star of the Story, and the incomplete Sam Webb: Internet Detective.

December 17, 2004

The Strip Returns! | 01:28 AM

As promised, a new episode of JVG: the comic strip debuts today!

Predictably, it seems to be a strip about doing a strip after not doing a strip for a while. Humorous! Predictable! Wanton!

former fan comments: "so???? were waitinggggg..... so much for the best damn strip we've ever seen..."

former fan comments: " suck."

JVG comments: "Well, I wouldn't want to make you drop the "former" from your alias, now, would I?"

former fan comments: "oh so your the funny man now. i see ur humor has gone down the wazoo. do me a favor dont lead us on if ur not gonna complete the job dude. dont say theres gonna be a new comic and then take a vacation to wherever. i stil lcheck this site but i may stop if things dont change a round here dude."

Lock comments: "This Former Fan dude kicks some major ass."

November 30, 2004

Wither Comics? | 03:47 PM

"A former fan" brings up an excellent (if poorly-spelled) point in the comments:

Whatever man you used to have a good stip here but now its balnk all the time. you let me down man, i thought i could count on you. but forget it dude

why dont you explain to yopur viewers why the strip isnt up or why your a quitter man

Why am I a quitter man? I owe it to you, my few remaining viewers, to explain.

Some possible explanations:
World no longer funny in wake of MTA fare hike
Blogging essentially dead
Beaten to submission by Cyborg Overlord Cheney
Spending all my time appearing as a puppet in burlesque numbers starring Nasty Canasta, attempting to hard-sell copies of The Big 40!, or organizing the world-premiere production of Wuthering High this February
Itchy rash, uncomfortable dryness

When might I resume the strip?
Lockhart blogs about something other than the Red Sox
Josh blogs, period
"Coming soon."
National syndication? I'd consider it.
When I receive every item on my Amazon Wish List

wvg comments: "You are a quitter man, and we are all disappointed in you, terribly disappointed. And further more, where the hell is your Amazon Wish List ? And where the hell is Andrew Snail. I am done."

jba comments: "Please teach me how to "blog," and I will do it!"

a former fan comments: "fine man whatever dude you sitll dint give me no answer on why you fukkin strip is always blank you were somebody whos wsite i looked at all the time and its like i dont check it anymore why dont you give your fans some explinations. did you run out of ideas? if so, i can help: how bout a strip about you screwin your fans. itll be true to life dude at least."

October 18, 2004

Andrew Snail Updated | 11:05 AM

This week's exciting episode: Smile for the Camera, Andrew Snail

lebowitz comments: "JVG-- Are you OK? Do you need me to fill in for you again? Where is the strip? RFL"

October 03, 2004

Andrew Snail Updated | 12:34 PM

This week's exciting episode: Andrew Snail: Up, Up, and Away

September 26, 2004

What the hoo? What the hey? | 11:03 PM

Why, it's the beginning of a brand new JVG: the comic strip today! And, unsurprisingly, it's a strip about the lack of strips! How gloriously "metro!"

In equally strange news, a new Andrew Snail adventure arrives bang on schedule: Andrew Snail Should Switch to Decaf!

aeu comments: "Meta?"

JVG comments: "You meta too, but I married'a!"

Lock comments: "You guys plan these, right? "

jba comments: "Nice haircut!"

September 19, 2004

Andrew Snail On a Trampoline | 09:22 PM

This week's exciting Andrew Snail adventure: Andrew Snail On a Trampoline!

September 14, 2004

Nothing Can Stop Andrew Snail | 01:44 PM

After an inexplicable and protracted absence, ANDREW SNAIL returns to the stage with Episode 21: Nothing Can Stop Andrew Snail

neilfred comments: "And yet still no Andrew Snail t-shirt."

wvg comments: "Nor sweatshirt, neither. What is the problem ?"

September 06, 2004

Substitute Stripper | 08:42 AM

The lovely and talented ROBERT F. LEBOWITZ, of the Bronx, will be filling in on the comic strip for the next 8 days. Please welcome him with open arms, and treat him no worse than you would me.

neilfred comments: "Nose too small! Oh, I guess this wasn't another contest."

August 16, 2004

Ohhh! A Contest! | 03:05 PM

Who wants to play "What's wrong with today's panel?" Entries may be left in the comments. Contest will end when I upload the corrected panel, this time tomorrow.

UPDATE (8/17): Lebowitz wins! He found the correct error! (See comments, link above.) As a reward, I will link to his guest episode of JVG: The Comic Strip. Our good friend "duh" also made a point which has been corrected; blame the real Tim for that blunder.

As for the nose, neilfred, it is obvious that the second panel is a 7/8 view, and not a 3/4 view. And, as anyone who knows me knows, when I am in 7/8 view, my nose appears in deep perspective, like the prow of a mighty ship. A mighty, mighty ship.

neilfred comments: "Nose too small?"

Duh comments: "The two most famous players on the Yankees are in fact from the Metro Area. Arod is from NYC and Jeter is from North Jersey originally."

JVG comments: "Well, Jersey doesn't count. Plus, he grew up in Kalamazoo. But there's still another error to go!"

lebowitz comments: "As neilfried said, the nose shrinks in the second panel from its elongated size in the first, even though the character's face is basically in the same 3/4 view as in the first panel. Also, the "NY" insignia on Tim's cap is a little off: The intersection points of the branches of the "Y" should directly intersect the slant of "N". On Tim's hat, that intersection point is about a pixel or two above the "N" [see for the precise "NY" logo]. Thirdly, the Jon character is missing a right eyebrow, while his friend Tim has two intact eyebrows. Finally, there don't seem to be any "NINAs" anywhere. Maybe you could hide one in the new eyebrow. "

wvg comments: "Of course, Jersey doesn't count. Typical, typical, discount anything that doesn't prove your theory. What are you a Republican ?"

JVG comments: "Of course. It's how I was raised."

neilfred comments: "Wait, so what was the answer you had in mind? The eyebrow?"

wvg comments: "A heinous response. And you don't know nothing about baseball."

lebowitz comments: "Thanks for the link, but I think my prize should be that I get to draw another guest strip! Whaddya say? "

JVG comments: ""The missing eyebrow" was the correct answer."

JVG comments: "And to you, Lebowitz, I say: someday! But why not do your own strip, Bronxy?"

August 09, 2004

Andrew Snail Updated | 10:40 AM

This week's exciting episode: The Snail Who Came In from the Cold

August 02, 2004

100 Strips! | 12:44 PM

Beginning this very moment (with today's panel and a panel slated to appear yesterday) The 100th Episode of JVG: The Comic Strip, featuring ***everyone who has ever wanted to be in the strip*** especially the people who have asked the most often! This, good friends, is your reward.

lebowitz comments: "Where am I, Van Gieson?"

JVG comments: "Last panel. Don't you see yourself?"

lebowitz comments: "Oh yeah, the guy on the left...sorry I missed it. "

wvg comments: "You could have put neilfred in. That was just insensitive."

JVG comments: "Sharp-eyed observers will note that he was actually subbing in for me the entire strip."

August 01, 2004

Andrew Snail Updated | 02:59 PM

This week's exciting episode: A. Snail for All Seasons

July 27, 2004

Andrew Snail Updated | 11:56 AM

The lewdness continues with this week's exciting episode: Andrew Snail: Hot Under the Collar

July 22, 2004

JVG: The Comic Strip: The Brief Hiatus | 11:18 PM

Nothing says "we're gearing up for the upcoming 100th episode of JVG: the comic strip" like taking a few days off! The strip will return on Monday Tuesday Wednesday with Episode 99, and after that... the debut of everyone who has complained about not being put in the strip!

In the meantime, a quick look at the evolution of my nose over the course of the past 98 episodes, from episodes 4, 14, 46, 72, and 95, respectively.

neilfred comments: "the debut of everyone who has complained about not being put in the strip! ooh ooh! Am I too late to complain?"

JVG comments: "Ooooh, I'm sorry, yes. Plus, I wouldn't know how to draw you."

Lock comments: "First Palmermix goes dark, and now this? Who's got my sweet, sweet hemlock? "

JVG comments: "Remember, you can always generate new strips from the carcasses of old ones using the patented JVG: the comic strip randomizer (click the "JVG" below)! Now with 2 exciting panel sizes!"

aeu comments: "Whatever. We want new stuff!"

neilfred comments: "Ah, you know what this website is missing? The random Andrew Snail generator!"

neilfred comments: "I may be mistaken, but it seems to me that Monday has come and gone without this mythical 99th strip appearing."

JVG comments: "I clearly said "Wednesday.""

neilfred comments: "Ah, my mistake."

July 18, 2004

Andrew Snail Updated | 10:20 PM

This week's exciting episode: Andrew Snail Goes Both Ways

July 12, 2004

Andrew Snail Comes Out! | 02:08 AM

This week's exciting episode: Andrew Snail Comes Out!

July 06, 2004

Andrew Snail: Being and Nothingness | 10:40 AM

Given Mr. Veegee's tenuous grasp on the concept of "Monday," has decided to offer to our readers a new service; we shall post to the blog each time a new Andrew Snail strip is published below.

This week's exciting episode: Andrew Snail: Being and Nothingness

June 17, 2004

Important News | 11:32 PM

Monday's Andrew Snail strip, once again inexplicably delayed, is now available.

wvg comments: "Stop the cavalier attitude toward A.S. The depth of feeling and artistic genius of these strips is often missed. Do them on time and do them right !"

May 14, 2004

Snail is Slow in Coming | 01:16 PM

Due to rampant incompetence on the part of cartoonist Jay Veegee, there was no new Andrew Snail posted this Monday, resulting in a pained uproar from Veegee's fan.

This week's rollicking adventure, "Andrew Snail Can't Get A Date," is now online. Veegee has asked me to extend his sincere regrets for any inconvenience he may have caused.

neilfred comments: "Still waiting for the Andrew Snail t-shirt..."

April 18, 2004

Andrew Snail: A Look Back | 08:45 PM

As the Andrew Snail Archives are activated, Jay Veegee's historians remind me that the strip's debut on this site coincided with the eleventh (11th) anniversary of its creation.

AN INTERESTING HISTORICAL NOTE: In an unexpected nomenclatural happenstance similar to that of a certain iconic corporate rodent (at one point called "Mortimer Mouse"), the strip's original title "The Adventures of Anderson Snail," was shortened by an overzealous copyeditor sometime in the hours before publication. And so, a legend was born.

neilfred comments: "When will the TFTEN anthology be published?"

April 05, 2004

Strip Reminders | 03:08 AM

Don't forget: this being Monday, there's a brand-new old Andrew Snail strip at the bottom of the page.

Plus, though as of today back to the panel per diem schedule, there were not one but two complete new JVG: The Comic Strip strips completed this weekend, completely. What could be more?

November 19, 2003

Real Life Funnies | 06:08 PM

Beginning today, and for the rest of the month of November, all dialogue in the comic strip will be taken verbatim from life. That's right, folks, everything you'll see is 100% pure, uncut, grade A verbiage, produced right here in New York City by genuine JVG and friends. Ask for it by name!

November 11, 2003

Random Strips: Now For Posterity | 12:23 AM

Thanks once again to the programming genius of JCN, fans of the randomized JVG: The Comic Strip need no longer rely on clumsy screenshots to save their favorite episodes for posterity. Simply click on any panel, and the browser will display a link which can be bookmarked, shared with friends, or emailed to me for possible inclusion in future reader's favorite posts.

Somewhat amusing strip saved using the above methodology

October 01, 2003

6 Months of Stripping | 01:26 PM

JVG: The Comic Strip celebrates its six-month anniversary today. Some vital statistics:

Total number of "official" strips: 38.5
Total number of (non-canonical) guest strips: 1

4 Panel Strips: 33.5
8 Panel Strips: 2
12 Panel Strips: 2
16 Panel Strips: 1

Characters Appearing (No. of Strips): JVG (39), Xina (28), The Cat (4), JJ the Barkeep (3), Dov (3), Bathroom Ducks (3), The Kitten (2), Grandma (1), Joey (1), Arthur Hedgehog (1), Token Booth Employee (1), Eyeglasses Salesman (1), Subway Rider [insane] (1), Background Diner (1), Large Bald Black Man (1), Lock (0)

Locations (No. of Strips): Undefined (6), The Bedroom (5), The Study (5), The Bathroom (3), The Kitchen (3), The Living Room (3), The Kitchen Table (3), Grace Bar/Restaurant/Ritual (2), F Train (2), In Front of The House (2), Eyeglasses Store (1), Joey's Uncles' (1), Subway Station (1), The Street (1), Grandma's House (1), A Restaurant (1), The Lower East Side (0)

Strips in which I forgot to draw my earrings in at least 1 panel: 6
A sewing machine mysteriously reverses direction: 1
My nose changes size in proportion to my face: 39

Strips about "current events": 2 (MTA Fare Hike, Northeast Blackout)
Name-brand products appearing: 4 (Titanium G4 PowerBook, MTA MetroCard, Devil Ducky, '93 Nissan Sentra)
Free products received as a result: Zero

Strips in which I appear undressed: 4
Strips in which Xina's navel is shown: 11
Number of men with whom I have appeared in bed: 2 (Dov, JJ)
Number of women: 1 (Xina)
Number of real people who have appeared in the strip with whom I have not appeared in bed: 2 (Joey, Grandma)

Strips in which I appear to be intoxicated: At least 2
Strips in which I appear to be eating a pile of sludge: 2

Things shaved: 2 (Head, Cat)
Injuries sustained: 3 (Severe beating, face full of food, straw in nose)
Strips including a drawing of a skull: 3

BEST PANEL: "I'll shave YOU!"
WORST PANEL: "Where to begin? Where to begin?"

Anthony comments: "You forgot one vital statistic... Total number of constructive things you could have been doing instead of wasting time compiling all of these statistics: 367."

September 29, 2003

Reader Favorites | 01:53 PM

Several months ago, intrepid reader Lock send in his favorite randomly generated episodes of JVG: The Comic Strip. And here they are, several months later.

Lock's Favorite #1

Lock's Favorite #2

September 15, 2003

Missed Pitch-O-Rama | 12:42 PM

Since the deadline for Fox's Pitch-O-Rama is today, it looks like the world will have to wait a little longer for JVG: The Animated Series.

Rejected plots for pilot episode include:
JVG buys an iPod and listens to music for 22 minutes
JVG discovers something on the floor that looks like food, must decide whether or not to eat it
JVG gets a backrub from special guest star Harrison Ford

September 02, 2003

JVG: The Comic Strip: Special Edition | 04:48 PM

Although I'm sure I'll get irate emails from the fans of the "classic" versions, I'm made some minor changes to a couple of old strips. Since I was never very happy with the punchline in the first version, I've created a Special Edition of this strip, with a 100% redrawn final panel. Also, this strip has been colorized.

August 07, 2003

Guest Stripper | 02:43 AM

This week, I am so famous, I have little time for anything else. So, I've brought in a ghost artist to handle the strip until opening night of "Buddy". No need to fret; this talented draftsman will likely be able to replicate my style so exactly that you'll hardly know I'm gone.

July 04, 2003

Comic Archive Update | 03:24 AM

By popular demand (read: Lock's incessant whining,) the main page of the comic strip is now archived in reverse chronological order.

April 29, 2003

JVG: The Comic Strip | 04:13 AM

Courtesy of programming genius JCN, a new comics feature: a strip generated at random from panels of previous strips. Thanks to advanced technology, we've gone a step beyond Hypernorm, which randomly picked the last panel only. Utter nonsense, more often than not, but I find it endlessly amusing. Then again, I'm easily endlessly amused. Or is that amusingly endlessly easy?

JVG: The Random Comic Strip

April 01, 2003

JVG: The Comic Strip | 04:47 AM

The first day of my 30th year brings the introduction of a long-requested feature to this website: a shiny new comic strip.

Beginning this very moment JVG: The Comic Strip will roll out in the left-hand column of the front page at the rate of one panel per day.

The Main Character: Me.
Supporting Cast: My family, friends, acquaintances, cats, and hedgehog.
The plot: Chronicling, day by day, my slow crawl from 29 to 30.

My loved ones need worry no longer about whether or not their lives will serve as fodder for the strip: I give my solemn oath that they will. How will you, as one of my loved ones, be able to tell if this is happening? It's fairly simple: if a character has the same name as you, looks vaguely like you, and is recreating events from your life, then it is without question you legally considered parody and protected under the first amendment.

Why do a comic strip about myself? I think a better question is: does string theory really resolve the incompatibility of general relativity and quantum mechanics?

A Sobering Thought | Comic Strip | Detritus | Dreamlog | Famous Friends | From The Files | Inbox | News Analysis | Now That I'm Famous | NYC | Observed/Overheard | Photos | Press | Production Updates | Quotation Ad Propositum | Reviews & Awards | The Early Years | The Gallivants of Fame | The Perfect Sentence | Today in History | Travels | Works |

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Fine Burlesque Entertainments
Nasty Canasta
Official Burlesque Artist of, cheese queen of Coney Island
Jonny Porkpie
Nasty puppeteer and Burlesque Mayor of New York City.


Tales from the Established Norm
The post-college episodes of the strip from college.
One strip. One thousand endings.

Fred, The Obnoxious Goldfish
An angry slice of piscine fury from the mind of Jay Veegee
One-shot from the files.
Faust: a Primer
Created for the program of Man of Infinite Desire

Produces Interesting Theater. Such as...
Tiny Ninja Theater
No Small Parts. Only Small Actors.
Hudson Valley Playreading Series
"Buddy" Cianci: The Musical
Rhode Island's most popular politician, six times elected, twice convicted

Book of Ages
"Exploring life's landmark ages in hilariously obsessive detail."
buy 30 | buy 40
buy Japanese 40
German 40 (unavailable)

Minor & Incomplete

The ANTAGONISTIC magazine.
Survivor Deadpool
Deadpool Dead.
A great idea!
Unpalatable Ball
Featuring the Discontented Elf.

I Know Them All
Two Snail or Not Two Snail?
by Jay Veegee


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