Cleaning out the drawer of old papers, perusing previous literary scribbles, I discover this limerick (from high school, no less!), which is especially apropos;

Now poor Jonny he felt like a sap
As he read the past work on his lap
He said "all this writing
I thought was exciting
is in truth unmistakable crap."

In celebration of the RNC and their candidate for president, a picture of Dubya that was cut from BOA: 30, showing our commander-in-chief driving intoxicated! (Based on an actual arrest!)

Title: "There Were Bullies"
Date: Summer, 1994
Inspiration: Childhood trauma

Plowing through old sketchbooks in search of a logo drawn for a friend three years ago, I have discovered some rather unnerving insights into my past self, which I will, of course, share with the world.

One in a series of sketchbook excerpts From the Files.

A moodily-lit Norm contemplates a JFK-esque portait of Mickey Mouse. NORM: "They look at you, and see what they want to be... they look at me, and see who they are. Haunted by the past..." c. 1996

Being the eighth in an ongoing series of rare and unpublished works by the author which, for one reason or another, were never presented to the public at large.

Title: The Big Bang
Date: c. 1993
Rejected from: "Rounds Galore! Facinating Rounds Old & New"
Reason rejected: Due to extraordinary lack of motivation as college freshman, delivered several months too late

Being the seventh in an ongoing series of rare and unpublished works by the author which, for one reason or another, were never presented to the public at large.

Title: Sketches for "Fables of the 13th Gen" (Series)
Date: Late 1996
Intended purpose: Attept to cash in on comic goldmine of "Generation X" craze
Reason for Failure: By 1996, Generation X "craze" more of an "annoyance"

"My grandparents are always nagging me to get something pierced."

"When my generation is running the country, things will be pretty much the same."

"I'm either manic-depressive or just badly dressed."

"I went to vote the other day, but decided to get Pizza instead."		"I have a vague feeling of disquiet."
"My Etch-a-Sketch is obsolete."		"I can't decide whether to be unemployed in NY or LA."

"People keep telling me I'm supposed to be apathetic."

(Note erased word "Lost" behind "13th" reflecting a rejected title concept.)

Being the sixth in an ongoing series of rare and unpublished works by the author which, for one reason or another, were never presented to the public at large.

Title: "Wurtle & Jaccoon"
Date: Begun c. 1998 (never completed)
Co-Author: My brother
Characters modeled on: Me ("Jon" + "Raccoon" = "Jaccoon!"), My brother ("Will" + "Turtle" = "Wurtle!")
Intended purpose: Amuse self (age 24), Brother (age 10)
Success rate: 100%, 7%

Being the fifth in an ongoing series of rare and unpublished works by the author which, for one reason or another, were never presented to the public at large.

Title: "Turtleneck-Clad Semiotics Student Fails to Recognize Artistic Merit of 'Comic Strip' Genre"
Date: 1996
Created for: "The Grand Opening of the Brand New Gallery of Low Art, featuring the works of Jonathan Van Gieson" (Required Senior Year Solo Art Show)
Intended purpose: Con art department into awarding me undergraduate degree
Success rate: 94%

Excerpts from Review:

"Van Gieson's 'Mockery of Self' Consistently Fails to Hit the Mark" by Jay Veegee (Good Clean Fun, 1/96)

...The title of the show presumably attempts to challenge the conception of cartoons as “low art,” however, there is no evidence in support of that challenge in this exhibit. Van Gieson is unflagging in his defense of the medium, often to the point of nausea... What Van Gieson fails to realize is that even if they were not “cartoons,” one would be hard pressed to classify his efforts as “art.”

The persistent self-deprecation extant in the presentation and publicity for the show was more wearying than poignant... This mockery of self, prevalent throughout the exhibit, consistently missed the mark, and one found onesself wondering if Van Gieson is at all aware where the true deficiencies in his art lie.

One got the feeling, as one often does with student shows, that Van Gieson spent more time with the concept of this exhibit than with the content. It is sad that neither of the two have much depth..."

Being the fourth in an ongoing series of rare and unpublished works by the author which, for one reason or another, were never presented to the public at large.

Title: "Paging Dr. Strangle"
Date: c. 1998
Created for: Beth Israel Boston Hospitalwide Customer Service Improvement Presentation
Intended purpose: Teach doctors not to strangle medical technicians, patients
Success rate: Undetermined

Being the third in an ongoing series of rare and unpublished works by the author which, for one reason or another, were never presented to the public at large.

Title: "Drool," 2nd Draft
Date: c. 1997
Rejected from: Not submitted for publication
Intended use: Self-amusement
Reason rejected: Failed to amuse self


continued...

Being the second in an ongoing series of rare and unpublished works by the author which, for one reason or another, were never presented to the public at large.

Title: "Penny for your thoughts"
Date: Late 1998
Rejected from: Wisconsin Club Beer launch campaign
Intended use: "Gentlemen's Club" in "It's not like other clubs" series of ads
Reason rejected: Too risqué for Wisconsin

Being the first in an ongoing series of rare and unpublished works by the author which, for one reason or another, were never presented to the public at large.

Title: "Hello, me wee bairn!"
Date: c. 1993-94
Rejected from: The Brown Daily Herald
Intended use: Article about clergy visiting dorm rooms
Reason rejected: Priest appears drunk, stereotypically Irish, slightly deranged, and lascivious