As the raw sewage leak has driven Collective:Unconscious out of 279 Church Street, Pinchbottom moves around the corner to The Flea at 41 White Street for Pinchbottom Declares War! (or, full frontal jacket.)

Buy Tickets Now!

And so we begin the search for a new home for our Fall Season! (In a bout of luck, we decided to take August off -- our first break from the show in 28 months -- some time ago.)

Promo Cardage Below:

Time to score! It's the bottom of the 4th down, and Pinchbottom is on the ropes with the bases loaded and the tally 40-love. Can the home team birdie the goal from the foul line to slam-dunk the match, or will they stumble into the net on the final lap? You've never seen sports action quite like the action you'll see in Pinchbottom's BALLS! Sporty Burlesque. Whether you're a sports fan or a sports hater, it's a whole nude ballgame! It's not about whether you win. It's about how you lose... your clothes.

BUY TIX: Fri or Sat

"A team of scandalous performers who promise to make you fall back in love with foul balls" -Time Out NY

coached by
Nasty Canasta
Jonny Porkpie
the home team
Anita Cookie
Bastard Keith
Clams Casino
Doc Wasabassco
GiGi La Femme
Julie Atlas Muz
Naughtia Nice
Neil O'Fortune
Scott Rayow
Tigger!
pinch hitters
Roja Rouge (Fri)
Little Brooklyn (Sat)

10pm Friday Mar 21 & Sat 22
SLUMBER PARTY IN PINK

Advance tickets highly recommended. BUY NOW: 3/21 or 3/22

It's a SLUMBER PARTY IN PINK... and YOU'RE invited! All the most popular girls in school are gonna do LOTS of SUPER FUN sleepover activities -- paint our nails, gossip, pillow fight, perform burlesque acts, even practice kissing! Plus ALL the best party games, like "Truth Or Dare", "Piggly-Wiggly" & "Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board"! Wow! Bedtime never looked so good! (...and don't worry about that murderer who escaped from the asylum down the street -- I'm sure it will be fine!)
starring Anita Cookie, Bastard Keith, Clams Casino, Clarke Westfield, Creamy Stevens, Delirium Tremens, Julie Atlas Muz, Naughtia Nice, Precious Little, World Famous *Bob*

SNEAK PREVIEW PHOTOS (nsfw, of course)

10pm Friday Feb 15 & Sat 16
HOW to SEX (a do-it-yourself guide)

Advance tickets highly recommended. BUY NOW: 2/15 or 2/16

Love it or hate it, Valentine's Day is a grim inevitability for us all. But no matter what feelings you have for this annual celebration of the beheading of a Christian saint in the year 269BCE, Pinchbottom can improve your V-Day weekend (and the activities therein) with The Pinchbottom Institute's Groundbreaking Live Seminar: HOW to SEX (a do-it yourself guide.)

HOW to SEX (a do-it-yourself guide) covers every aspect of intercourse in a series of ten easy burlesque-based lessons, all presented live on stage. From choosing the best partner or equipment -- to accurately undressing -- to correctly putting the right thing in, around, or on the other thing -- to cleaning up afterwards, the ins and outs of this difficult and confusing task are examined in explicit detail. Each and every facet of sex will be exposed -- even the minor ones, like love and romance!

Let the sexy experts of The Pinchbottom Institute for the Sex gently guide you through the simple steps necessary to make you -- yes, you! -- a whiz at HOW to SEX. Led by "Doctor" NASTY CANASTA and "Professor" JONNY PORKPIE (who, as a married couple, have sexed together several times), the seminar also features sex-educational burlesque and variety acts from ANITA COOKIE, BASTARD KEITH, CLAMS CASINO, DELIRIUM TREMENS, JO BOOBS, LITTLE BROOKLYN, NAUGHTIA NICE, SCOTT RAYOW, SCHAFFER THE DARKLORD, and special guest from Seattle, WA, HEIDI VON HAUGHT of the Von Foxies, who will demonstrate the West Coast methods of sexing. Combined, our courteous and professional staff has over 180 years of training in both sex AND making other people want to sex.

Act now! This extraordinary offer is available for TWO NIGHTS ONLY, Friday February 15 and Saturday February 16 at 10pm. Whether you're flying solo and starting sex from scratch, or a committed couple that just wants to pick up a few pointers, Pinchbottom's HOW to SEX (a do-it-yourself guide) is the perfect addition to any Valentine's Day weekend plans!

TICKETS: 2/15 or 2/16

SNEAK PREVIEW PHOTOS (nsfw, of course)

10pm Friday Jan 18 & Sat 19
THE PINCH BROTHERS in "THE BAWDY HOUSE"

Advance tickets highly recommended. BUY NOW: 1/18 or 1/19

Next Friday, January 18 & Sat Jan 19, Pinchbottom returns to the funniest, sexiest edifice in the world with "THE PINCH BROTHERS in THE BAWDY HOUSE", the show that put the double-entendres in double takes and brought a whole new meaning to the word "slapstick".

Pinchbottom's loving homage to the Marx Brothers brings you back to the glory days of black and white comedy, with a live action "movie" that would have been far too risque for the MPAA censors.

"Tantalizing ode to the Marx Brothers... deliciously perverse, glittering fantasy." -NEXT MAGAZINE

When THE PINCH BROTHERS (also sisters) are hired to save an ailing theater, they convert it into a BAWDY HOUSE, complete with ribald comedy, risque magic, and (of course) burlesque! But on opening night, everything goes wrong -- buttons keep popping, pants keep dropping, and the schtick keeps getting schtickier. Hosted by NASTY CANASTA & JONNY PORKPIE, starring ALBERT CADABRA, ANITA COOKIE, BASTARD KEITH, GIGI LA FEMME, LITTLE BROOKLYN, DR. LUKKI, NAUGHTIA NICE, PEEKABOO POINTE, PRECIOUS LITTLE, RUBY VALENTINE, SCOTT RAYOW, TIGGER and CLAMS CASINO & NEIL O'FORTUNE

TRAILER

TICKETS: 1/18 or 1/19

Ah, the joy that we get from our holiday show!
With one night all done, and one night still to go
How was last night's performance? Well, in a word: "Wow!"
So click on the link, and you'll buy tickets now!

10pm Friday Dec 7 & Sat 8
HOW THE PINCH STOLE XMAS

hosted by NASTY CANASTA & JONNY PORKPIE
starring BAMBI THE MERMAID, BASTARD KEITH, DELIRIUM TREMENS, GIGI LA FEMME, MISS SATURN, NAUGHTIA NICE, PEEKABOO POINTE, ROSE WOOD, TIGGER! and a special appearance by ANITA COOKIE & SCOTT RAYOW

BUY TIX: 12/7 or 12/8

When NASTY CANASTA takes charge of the Holiday Pageant, she decides to celebrate "the 12 Days of Xmas" with nudity, using burlesque stars for sexy tributes to each traditional "true love" present, from drummers drumming to ladies dancing to a partridge in a pear tree. But the grinch-like (but legally distinct) "Pinch" (JONNY PORKPIE) wants to keep Xmas clean and pure as the virgin snow, and so dresses up like a Burlesque Santa and sets out to kidnap each and every performer in Nasty's show.

Pinchbottom closes out its 2007 Season with a stocking-stuffer that takes on the holidays as only Pinchbottom can; from behind. Burlesque Santa's sack is full of goodies for all the bad boys and girls, including BAMBI THE MERMAID, BASTARD KEITH, DELIRIUM TREMENS, GIGI LA FEMME, MISS SATURN, NAUGHTIA NICE, PEEKABOO POINTE, ROSE WOOD, TIGGER and a special holiday visit from ANITA COOKIE & SCOTT RAYOW. And the best part is... these presents unwrap themselves!

Will The Pinch have a change of heart in time to save Nasty's pageant? Or will Xmas remain forever G-rated? The Holiday Season kicks off (its pants) on December 7 and 8 with Pinchbottom's HOW THE PINCH STOLE XMAS.

More show than The Burlesque Alliance has ever crammed into a single night before!

* Packed full of performances by a cornucopia of burlesque, variety, and sideshow superstars, including Albert Cadabra, Angie Pontani, Anita Cookie, Bastard Keith, Cherry Bomb, Clams Casino, Creamy Stevens, Doc Wasabassco, GiGi La Femme, Harvest Moon, Helen Pontani, Jonny Porkpie, Maiiah, Nasty Canasta, Naughtia Nice, Peekaboo Pointe, Ruby Valentine, Veronika Sweet, The World Famous Pontani Sisters. 9:00pm to Midnight: 3 full hours of Striptease! Sideshow! Song! And sexiness!

* Tunes spun by DJ Fresh Prince of Darkness

* A Mode Merr fashion show full of fabulous fall couture

* The crowning of the first-ever SixPoint Beer Queen, "Miss Sweet Action", elected by the audience! Plus Sweet Action drink specials all night

* And to cap it all off at midnight, the dixie-fried garage rock of The Woggles.

Buy Tix

10pm FRI NOV 16, 2007
10pm SAT NOV 17, 2007
NAKED PLANET
Sci-Fi Burlesque

hosted by NASTY CANASTA & JONNY PORKPIE of the FUTURE
ANITA COOKIE & SCOTT RAYOW do STAR TREK
CREAMY STEVENS (& NASTY) do DOCTOR WHO
DELIRIUM TREMENS does DEEP SPACE NINE
DEVILICIA does DARTH VADER
GIGI LA FEMME does STAR WARS
KOBAYASHI MARU does BATTLESTAR GALACTICA
MISS SATURN does SPACE
NAUGHTIA NICE does THE BRIDGE CREW
RUBY VALENTINE does TIME TRAVEL
ZERO BOY does ALIEN ABDUCTIONS

BUY TIX

Last presented in July 2006, NAKED PLANET was the audience pick for Pinchbottom's November re-run slot in a recent online poll, perhaps because (in the words of Time Out New York), "Your perverted genre fantasies have come shimmying to life", or because (in the words of NYTheater.com), "Comedy and partial nudity go remarkably well together. Where else can you hoot, whistle, and bust a gut laughing?"

10pm FRIDAY OCTOBER 19
BALLS! Sporty Burlesque
hosted by: Nasty Canasta, Jonny Porkpie, starring: Angie Pontani, Anita Cookie, Bastard Keith, Clams Casino, Doc Wasabassco, Gigi La Femme, Julie Atlas Muz, Naughtia Nice, Neil O'Fortune, Peekaboo Pointe, Roja Rouge, Scott Rayow, Tigger!

BUY TIX

Time to score! It's the bottom of the 4th down, and Pinchbottom is on the ropes with the bases loaded and the tally 40-love. Can the home team birdie the goal from the foul line to slam-dunk the match, or will they stumble into the net on the final lap? You've never seen sports action quite like the action you'll see in Pinchbottom's BALLS! Sporty Burlesque.

10pm FRI SEPTEMBER 21 & 10pm SAT SEPT 22
P.I.N.C.H. SQUAD 70s Cop Show Burlesque
hosted by: Nasty Canasta, Jonny Porkpie, starring: Anita Cookie, Bastard Keith, Creamy Stevens, Darlinda Just Darlinda, Jo Boobs, Little Brooklyn, Naughtia Nice, Ruby Valentine, Tigger!

BUY TIX: 9/22 or 9/23

Things are definitely not groovy in Disco City, where rollerskating Crime Boss NASTY CANASTA runs an illicit burlesque and counterfeiting ring with a satin-gloved fist. There's just one hope for this jive town: Funkadelic policeman JONNY PORKPIE and the far-out detectives of P.I.N.C.H. Squad. Can you dig it?

At 10pm on September 21 & 22, 2007, Pinchbottom travels back in time to the sexy seventies to follow the officers of the "Police Investigative Narcotics, Counterfeiting & Hootchy-kootch Squad" as they try to bring down the bad guys in a world gone mad. But can the clad Fuzz solve the mystery of who stole the decade's fashion sense? You've never been happier to see clothes come off than in P.I.N.C.H. SQUAD 70s Cop Show Burlesque.

PinchbottomLand's rides and attractions will be much more exciting than anything our competitors can offer. Our Bumper Cars both bump and grind, our Roller Coaster has the most dangerous curves around, and as for our Tunnel of Love... well, you'll just have to come see for yourself.

Friday, September 7 at 10pm
PINCHBOTTOMLAND AMUSEMENT PARK,
Burlesque at the Beach @ Sideshows by the Seashore
1208 Surf Ave, Coney Island
Hosted by Nasty Canasta and Jonny Porkpie, with Anita Cookie, Bastard Keith, Clams Casino, Gigi La Femme, Jo Boobs, Naughtia Nice, Peekaboo Pointe, Scarlet Sinclair, and Tigger!

WARNING: first few rows may get wet.

Next weekend, join us for the next Burlesque Alliance show, in which we celebrate summer!

starring: AJ Silver, Clams Casino, Creamy Stevens, Darlinda Just Darlinda, Delirium Tremens, Gigi La Femme, Harvest Moon, Jonny Porkpie, Little Brooklyn, Nasty Canasta, Pinkie Special, Precious Little, Scarlet Sinclair, Tigger, Veronika Sweet, special appearances by: Angie Pontani & Peekaboo Pointe, Surf-style go-go by Kit Kat & Legs Malone, and the sandy sounds of DJ Fresh Prince of Darkness
poster art by Bill Morton

Saturday, August 25 @ SouthPaw | directions

9pm-Midnight, $15 buy tickets

Help! We're being held hostage by a randy stuffed bear! If you don't come see BURLESQUE FOR KIDS (not for kids) next Friday or Saturday at 10pm, he'll make us do dirty, dirty things...

10pm FRI AUGUST 17 & 10pm SAT AUGUST 18
BURLESQUE FOR KIDS! (Not for Kids)
hosted by: Nasty Canasta, Jonny Porkpie, starring: Anita Cookie, Bastard Keith, Darlinda Just Darlinda, Jo Boobs, Little Brooklyn, Naughtia Nice, Precious Little, Schaffer The Darklord, special guests: Fri - Delirium Tremens, Lola Pearl, Miss Tickle Sat - Miss Saturn, Trixie Little, World Famous *bob*

BUY TIX: 8/17 or 8/18

On Saturday, July 28th at 10pm Sweet & Nasty, Starshine, and Pinchbottom join together for a GIGANTIC SHOW at RiFiFi celebrating our favorite bartender...

After the show, stick around for a dance party DJed and hosted by RiFiFi all-stars!

More info

BOTTOMS OVER BROADWAY burlesque goes legit
Now with special BROADWAY STYLE PRICING!

To provide you, the audience, with the full "Broadway" experience, Pinchbottom has gone the extra mile and is pleased to offer -- for one show only -- exciting BROADWAY STYLE PRICING! When buying your ticket, you will have the option to pay a measly $15 for general admission, or to choose the BROADWAY-STYLE PRICING, and pay an amazing $110 per ticket! What a deal! "Broadway-Style" tickets offer exactly the same features as the regular $15 tickets, except they cost more, and are therefore worth more. You'll be able to enjoy the show smug in the knowledge that you paid a substantially higher price for your ticket than the person sitting next to you.

Isn't a few extra dollars worth that peace of mind? Buy your overpriced $110 tickets now! For the cheap of heart, $15 tickets are also available.

10pm FRIDAY JULY 20
10pm SATURDAY JULY 21
BOTTOMS OVER BROADWAY
burlesque goes legit

hosted by
NASTY CANASTA
JONNY PORKPIE
starring
AMBER RAY
ANITA COOKIE
BASTARD KEITH
CLAMS CASINO
DELIRIUM TREMENS
GIGI LA FEMME
LUKKI
NAUGHTIA NICE
PEEKABOO POINTE
SCOTT RAYOW
TIGGER
special guests
FRI BONNIE DUNN
SAT BELLE BAUDELAIRE

BUY TIX: 7/20 or 7/21

press release



COLLECTIVE:UNCONSCIOUS
279 Church Street, TriBeCa

Wednesday, May 9 @ 7pm
GOLD STAR BENEFIT @ Collective:Unconscious

Friday, May 11 @ 10pm
WASABASSCO @ The Living Room

Wednesday, May 16 @ 8pm
WHAT'S MY LINE @ Parkside

Friday, May 18 @ 10pm
"...AND THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON!" wild west burlesque
@ Pinchbottom's Sub:Conscious

Wednesday, May 23 @ 8pm
VEGAS OR BUST @ Galapagos

Thursday, May 24 @ 10pm
THE DRUNK N' DIRTY DUO @ Palace of Wonders, Washington DC

Friday, May 25 @ 10pm
BUMP n' GRINDHOUSE @ Burlesque at the Beach, Coney Island

Saturday, May 26 @ 9pm
THE USOh! SHOW @ Southpaw

Sunday, May 27 @ 10pm
SWEET & NASTY Anniversary Show @ Rififi

And then in June: Sweet & Nasty, Wasabassco, What's My Line, POW! ZAP! BOOB! superpowered burlesque re-run, and Las Vegas, where I shall compete in the Miss Exotic World competition with Nasty Canasta!

Hey, game show fans, it's time once again for What's My Line LIVE in NYC. Last time, we had the cowboy from the damn Village People, for crying out loud, AND the panel managed to guess the profession of a "lactation consultant". Who knows what this month's edition may bring? Neil O'Fortune, that's who, but he's not telling.

What's My Line LIVE in NYC
hosted by Neil O'Fortune
panelists: Clams Casino, Garth Wingfield, Jonny Porkpie, Lindsay Robertson
lovely assistant: Precious Little
Wednesday, April 18 @ 8pm
Parkside Lounge, 317 E. Houston Street

...so why am I going to kill her? Find out at...

10pm Friday March 16
WHO KILLED JO BOOBS?
A Burlesque Murder Mystery
$15 | buy tickets

On March 16, 2007 -- a day scheduled to live in infamy -- our good friend JO BOOBS will meet her untimely end, under mysterious (and almost certainly sexy) circumstances. In life, Jo brought joy to the multitudes with her charming smile, her can-do attitude, and (of course) her extraordinary boobs. We can perhaps take comfort in the fact that the soon-to-be-dearly-departed will be surrounded by her closest friends when she dies; hosts NASTY CANASTA & JONNY PORKPIE, as well as BAMBI THE MERMAID, BASTARD KEITH, CLAMS CASINO, DELIRIUM TREMENS, DIRTY MARTINI, NAUGHTIA NICE, SCOTTY THE BLUE BUNNY, TIGGER, and WORLD FAMOUS *BOB*. (Although that comfort may be somewhat diminished by the fact that it is almost certainly one of these so-called "friends" who will murder her.)

the detectives
NASTY CANASTA
& JONNY PORKPIE

the victim
JO BOOBS

the suspects
BAMBI the MERMAID
BASTARD KEITH
CLAMS CASINO
DELIRIUM TREMENS
DIRTY MARTINI
NAUGHTIA NICE
SCOTTY the BLUE BUNNY
TIGGER!
WORLD FAMOUS *BOB*

buy tickets

Join us for one last Bond show before we get a cease & desist from the estate of Ian Fleming!

buy tix

10pm FRIDAY MARCH 2
YOU ONLY PINCH TWICE
James Bond 007 Burlesque

hosted by
NASTY CANASTA
& JONNY PORKPIE

going undercover
ANITA COOKIE
BASTARD KEITH
CLAMS CASINO
DELIRIUM TREMENS
GIGI LaFEMME
JO BOOBS
NAUGHTIA NICE
PEEKABOO POINTE
SCARLET SINCLAIR
SCOTT RAYOW
TIGGER
VERONIKA SWEET

COLLECTIVE:UNCONSCIOUS
279 Church Street, TriBeCa
$10 | beer & wine available

Pinchbottom's Onlinery

10pm Friday February 16
Pinchbottom Declares WAR!
Burlesque in the Trenches
$15 | buy tickets

When beleaguered President JONNY PORKPIE learns that NASTY CANASTA and the Pinchbottom Burlesque Organization are stockpiling "Weapons of Ass Destruction", he attempts to raise his approval rating by ordering an immediate invasion of their home base... New York City.

In response, PINCHBOTTOM DECLARES WAR and Drill Sergeant Canasta whips her Burly-Q Commandoes into fighting form with a rigorous basic training regimen. Burlesque stars AMBER RAY, ANITA COOKIE, BASTARD KEITH, CLAMS CASINO, LUKKI, NAUGHTIA NICE, PEEKABOO POINTE, POOKIE PATOOTIE, RUBY VALENTINE, TIGGER, and WORLD FAMOUS *BOB* must forswear their beloved bump & grind in favor of military maneuvers. In high-heeled boot camp, these performers will learn the most risque-sounding traditional army skills: standing at attention, drill formations, and proper care and handling of your equipment (both in and out of uniform).

hosted by
NASTY CANASTA
& JONNY PORKPIE

on the front lines:
AMBER RAY
ANITA COOKIE
BASTARD KEITH
CLAMS CASINO
LUKKI
NAUGHTIA NICE
PEEKABOO POINTE
POOKIE PATOOTIE
RUBY VALENTINE
SCOTT RAYOW
TIGGER
WORLD FAMOUS *BOB*

buy tickets for 10:00pm 2/16/07

COLLECTIVE:UNCONSCIOUS
279 Church Street, TriBeCa
$15 | beer & wine available

Isn't it time that Brooklyn had its very own Burlesque extravaganza? It sure the fun is!

Two days of winter hotness, an event so big it requires 4 producers, 2 venues, 8 hosts, and over 30 performers!

THE BROOKLYN BURLESQUE BLITZ
Friday, January 26 @ SouthPaw
125 5th Avenue, Park Slope | buy tickets for Friday

Saturday, January 27 @ North Six
66 North 6th Street, Williamsburg | buy tickets for Saturday

doors at 8pm, shows 9:00pm to Midnight | $15/night
sponsored by The Onion and Cameo Intimates

• The Press: GO Brooklyn's slightly innacurate coverage
• The Producers: Wasabassco, Pinchbottom, Kissing Cousins, Sweet & Nasty
• The Website: BurlesqueBlitz.com

Starring: Albert Cadabra, Amber Ray, Angie Pontani, Anita Cookie, Bambi the Mermaid, Bastard Keith, Belle Morte-Baudelaire, Bonnie Dunn, Bunny Love, Cherry Bomb, Clams Casino, Creamy Stevens, Darlinda Just Darlinda, Delirium Tremens, DJ Fresh Prince of Darkness, GiGi La Femme, Harvest Moon, Jonny Porkpie, Little Brooklyn, Lola Pearl, Lukki, Miss Saturn, Miss Tickle, Nasty Canasta, Naughtia Nice, Peekaboo Pointe, Pinkie Special, Precious Little, Rose Wood, Ruby Valentine, Scarlet Sinclair, Tigger, Veronika Sweet, the World Famous *BOB*

Tonight, it's Lockhart Steele's favorite live recreation of a vintage game show on the Lower East Side... that's right, folks, it's time once again for "What's My Line NYC!"

With your panelists Clams Casino, Jonny Porkpie, Lindsay Robertson, and Garth Wingfield, your host Neil O'Fortune and his lovely assistant Precious Little, our fabulous contestants, mystery guest, and as always, maybe a chance to join us onstage and play the game yourself!

8:00pm Parkside Lounge
317 East Houston between Ave. B and C
What's My Line NYC.com

10pm Friday January 19
FILM STRIP
Burlesque Goes to the Academy Awards
$15 | buy tickets

NASTY CANASTA and JONNY PORKPIE take the podium to host an award-winning night of big screen burlesque paying homage to the best movies ever made... and some of the worst. As the night goes on, and tensions rise, only one question remains: Who will take home the coveted Pinchy™? And where will she put it? Okay, that's two questions.

hosted by
NASTY CANASTA & JONNY PORKPIE

ALBERT CADABRA does ROCKY
CREAMY STEVENS does MIAMI VICE
GIGI LAFEMME & SCARLET SINCLAIR do TITANIC
JO BOOBS does TAXI DRIVER
LITTLE BROOKLYN does SILENCE OF THE LAMBS
NAUGHTIA NICE does THE RED CARPET
PRECIOUS LITTLE does HARRY POTTER
RUBY VALHALLA does ALL ABOUT EVE
VERONIKA SWEET & DIRTY DADDY do QUENTIN TARANTINO
plus ANITA COOKIE & SCOTT RAYOW
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN
ED WOOD

This year, it's a party AND burlesque show. More here.

Presale tickets for tonight's presentation of "Pinchbottom's Creeping Xmas Death" are sold out. As always, a very limited number of tickets will be available at the door.

But even if you can't snag one of those tix, that doesn't mean you've missed ALL the Pinchbottom holiday fun. Because, for the first time ever, we'll be continuing the festivities after the show ends, with GoGo by Gigi LaFemme, Holiday Photos with Dead Evil Santa, and Booze! Booze! Booze!

PINCHBOTTOM'S HOLIDAY OFFICE PARTY
Downstairs, Collective:Unconscious
279 Church Street, TriBeCa
Starting after the show, 11:45ish?
No Admission Charge

Want more holiday fun? Stay tuned... this year's Night Before New Years Eve promises to be off, as they say, the hook.

10pm FRIDAY DEC 15
PINCHBOTTOM'S CREEPING XMAS DEATH
A Burlesque Holiday Special

Ah, December! A chill is in the air. Festive decorations sparkle in the aisles of each and every store, giant snowflakes brighten the avenues, jaunty carols jingle incessantly on the radio, and gift suggestions dance through the commercial breaks of each and every one of your favorite shows. All of which would be fine and dandy... if it hadn't started on Halloween.

Yes, we're sick of it already. And by December 15th, we'll be ready to kill ourselves, along with everyone else. Which makes it just the right time for PINCHBOTTOM'S CREEPING XMAS DEATH, the perfect cause for those Holiday Blues.

hosted by
NASTY CANASTA
& JONNY PORKPIE

home for the holidays
BELLE MORTE-BAUDELAIRE
CREAMY STEVENS
DARLINDA JUST DARLINDA
DIRTY MARTINI
JO BOOBS
LITTLE BROOKLYN
SCHAFFER the DARKLORD
VELOCITY CHYALDD
VERONIKA SWEET
TIGGER
TRIXIE LITTLE & THE EVIL HATE MONKEY

buy tix for 10:00pm 12/15

COLLECTIVE:UNCONSCIOUS
279 Church Street, TriBeCa
$10 | beer & wine available

WHAT'S MY LINE? NYC's last show for 2006 is tonight at 8pm at the Parkside Lounge. I'll once again be one of the panelists (Along with Clams Casino, Lindsayism, and Garth Wingfield), Neil O'Fortune will host, but who will the mystery celebrity be? All I know for sure is that it ain't Jonathan Ames, Martha Plimpton, or Michael Musto, because they've already done it. And this time, the show comes complete with recommendations from The Village Voice and Time Out New York (A critic's pick, no less!)

-> 8:00pm, Parkside Lounge, 317 East Houston between Ave. B and C

What more could one ask for than to be a Voice Choice, with the following blurb?

VERY SPECIAL AGENTS A show that's licensed to be naughty "Daniel Craig may be a fine James Bond, but we have higher hopes for burlesque cutie Nasty Canasta's portrayal of secret agent 007 in Pinchbottom's perverted spoof You Only Pinch Twice, which features the tagline "No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to strip." The story follows an evil cartel that plots to take over the world by using the twirling of burlesque performers' tassels to hypnotize the masses into submission. The shimmying lineup of undercover spies and henchgals includes Anita Cookie, Jo Boobs, and Tigger."

Want tickets? Presale are pretty much sold out, but there will be a limited number available at the door...

10pm FRIDAY NOV 17 & 10pm FRIDAY DEC 1
YOU ONLY PINCH TWICE
James Bond 007 Burlesque

hosted by
NASTY CANASTA
& JONNY PORKPIE

going undercover
ANITA COOKIE
BASTARD KEITH
CLAMS CASINO
DELIRIUM TREMENS
GIGI LaFEMME
JO BOOBS
JULIE ATLAS MUZ
NAUGHTIA NICE
PEEKABOO POINTE
SCARLET SINCLAIR
SCOTT RAYOW
TIGGER
VERONIKA SWEET

COLLECTIVE:UNCONSCIOUS
279 Church Street, TriBeCa
$10 | beer & wine available

Pinchbottom's Onlinery

Well, the Slumber Party in Pink is sold out, but there are other shows to see on the horizon, all produced by my very good friends and featuring... Jonny Porkpie! Here they are, in chronological order:

What's My Line NYC
Wednesday, October 18 @ 8:00 PM
Clams Casino and Neil O'Fortune bring the classic gameshow to life with the help of Precious Little, Garth Wingfield and Mr. Porkpie himself. Parkside Lounge, 317 East Houston more info

Starshine Burlesque
Thursday, October 19 @ 10:00 PM
Porkpie joins Little Brooklyn and Creamy Stevens' weekly extravaganza! RiFiFi, 332 E. 11th St more info

Wasabassco's Evil Night
Saturday, October 21 @ 8:00 PM
Everything will go to hell... literally, when eight gorgeous women and one charming trickster dally with the devil, who will, for the evening, possess the body of... Jonny Porkpie. Kraine Theatre, E 4th street more info

SATURDAY, October 14th @ 10pm

hosted by
NASTY CANASTA
JONNY PORKPIE

starring
BUNNY LOVE
CLAMS CASINO
DELIRIUM TREMENS
JULIE ATLAS MUZL
UKKI
NAUGHTIA NICE
PEEKABOO POINTE
PRECIOUS LITTLE
WORLD FAMOUS *BOB* and her fabulous pink Toy Poodle MOVIE *STAR*

I am quite pleased to announce that Jonny Porkpie will be part of the crew closing down Coney Island for the season this coming Friday. That's right, Sweet and Nasty and a startling police lineup of their cousins, cronies and ex-husbands will be giving Burlesque at the Beach a sexy sendoff it can't refuse.

Coney Island USA
1208 Surf Ave @ W. 12th St., Brooklyn
Friday, September 29th
SPECIAL EARLIER TIME! 9:00pm

10pm FRIDAY September 15
EAT ME
A Burlesque Cooking Show
buy tix @ theatermania.com

COLLECTIVE:UNCONSCIOUS
279 Church Street, TriBeCa
$10 (ala carte) | beer & wine available
press release

hosted by
Chef NASTY CANASTA
& Gastronimist JONNY PORKPIE

full menu
DELIRIUM TREMENS does BACON & EGGS
DIRTY MARTINI does CHEEZ WHIZ
GIGI LaFEMME does FONDUE
JO BOOBS does ICE CREAM
NAUGHTIA NICE does CHERRY PIE
LITTLE BROOKLYN does CANDY
LUKKI does POTATOES
PEEKABOO POINTE does FOOT-LONGS
ROSE WOOD does MEAT

It's time to get those calendars out, for September might just be Jonny Porkpie's busiest month ever!

It begins on Friday, September 1 @ 9pm, when The Burlesque Mayor of NYC will appear as a solo performer at the opening party of the New York Burlesque Festival.

Then, on Saturday, September 2, Porkpie will appear in the festival again as a backup dancer... since I'm not sure how much can be revealed beforehand, I'll keep mum. Come and see!

On Wednesday, September 6th @ 10pm, Porkpie will appear in Surf Burlesque on the Bowery at the Bowery Poetry club, as part of The Belles of the Bowery show presented by the fabulous Jo Boobs.

DJ J. Porkpie spins on Friday, September 8th for the return of Wasabassco's Burlesque at the Living Room in Brooklyn.

Plans are afoot for Porkpie to join Nasty for an encore presentation of their Jimmy Olsen/Lois Lane number at Sunday, September 10th @ 10pm during Sweet & Nasty Burlesque.

Wednesday, September 13 @ 8pm marks the return of Jonny to the live game show What's My Line NYC, enabled by and starring Miss Clams Casino and Neil O'Fortune.

Friday, September 15 @ 10pm is the next Pinchbottom's Sub:Conscious: "EAT ME: a burlesque cooking show." Apparently, we turned away more than 60 people for Pow! Zap! Boob!, and this one has a fantastically tasty lineup, so Get your tickets now.

There may be something speakeasy-related for Saturday, September 16 @ 10pm -- updates as events warrant.

On Sunday, September 17th @ 2pm, JVG gets his turn with a reading of the revised version of MASTER CRIMINALS as part of the TheaterSounds "Criminal Intent" weekend.

The month rounds out on Friday, September 29 @ 10pm with the Sweet & Nasty "Family Style" show at Coney Island's Burlesque at the Beach. This is the final burlesque show of the season (the very same season in which Nasty won the title "Cheese Queen of Coney Island"), so catch it before the entire area is torn down by developers to make room for a strip mall!

In other news, Pinchbottom has been getting some nice press recently -- Nasty covers our appearances in Time Out and The Village Voice over at her blog. Full Pinchbottom press rundown here.

10pm FRIDAY August 18
POW! ZAP! BOOB!
Superpowered Burlesque
buy tix @ theatermania.com

COLLECTIVE:UNCONSCIOUS
279 Church Street, TriBeCa
$10 | beer & wine available
press release

hosted by
NASTY CANASTA
& JONNY PORKPIE

ANITA COOKIE & SCOTT RAYOW do X-MEN
CREAMY STEVENS does SUPERGIRL
GIGI LaFEMME does VAMPIRELLA
HARVEST MOON does CATWOMAN
MISS FIRECRACKER does SHE-HULK
PEEKABOO POINTE does BATGIRL
SCHAFFER THE DARKLORD does SUPERVILLIANS
THE ZOG does WONDER WOMAN
super songs by BASTARD KEITH & NAUGHTIA NICE
..PLUS LOIS LANE, JIMMY OLSEN, POISON IVY, and MORE!

by Ted D'Ottavio

more here

Tomorrow night, Saturday, July 29th at 8:00pm, a revised version of my play WILK & GAYLE: a nasty little play will be read at the 5th Anniversary Celebration of the TheaterSounds Hudson Valley Playreading Series. I wrote this play for my mother and my wife, talented actors both, and this reading will feature the two them performing the very roles I wrote for them. How ironic.

Saturday, July 29th @ 8:00pm
THEATERSOUNDS 5th ANNIVERSARY GALA
featuring an encore presentation of our first ever reading
WILK & GAYLE a nasty little play
by Jonathan Van Gieson, directed by Brian Smiar
starring Christina Nicosia & Nicola Sheara

at UUCC, 320 Sawkill Road, Kingston, NY directions)
ADMISSION IS FREE

Since becoming involved with the "burlesque" scene in NYC, my output on this website has suffered, with the sub-fortunate result of distancing me from the "blogging" scene. Indeed, there has been little to no overlap between these disparate social circles, as -- despite my incessant flogging of the medium -- it seems that few bloggers (with the notable exception of a very occasional drunken foray by Mssr. Lockhart Steele) would be caught dead at a burlesque show, and no self-respecting burlesque performer would even think of socializing with a someone who called himorherself a "blogger".

All that is about to change, thanks to the efforts of burlesque star Clams Casino and her compatriot Neil O'Fortune, who have thought it wise to produce a show featuring representatives of both parties. In the blogging corner: Lindsayism, a woman with whom this web presence "exchanged links" several years ago... and one of the precious few who retains that link on her site to this very day. In the burlesque corner: the aforementioned and beautiful Clams Casino, who wowed the audience with her tribute to Guinness at last night's Pinchbottom's Drinking Problem. Somewhere in the middle, leaning heavily towards burlesque, is Jonny Porkpie, sometime blogger and the Burlesque Mayor of New York City.

And where will this momentous crossing-of-paths occur? Where else but at...

WHAT'S MY LINE live in NYC
A recreation of the classic game show
Hosted by Neil O'Fortune. Panelists: Clams Casino, Garth Wingfield, Jonny Porkpie, and Lindsay Robertson

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 2nd @ 8:00pm
@ The Parkside Lounge
317 East Houston
between Ave. B and C

Presented by ViceHeadGirl Productions, a collaborative venture of Mr. O'Fortune and Miss Casino

10pm FRIDAY JULY 21
PINCHBOTTOM'S DRINKING PROBLEM
A Burlesque Intervention
buy tix @ theatermania.com

COLLECTIVE:UNCONSCIOUS
279 Church Street, TriBeCa
$10 | beer & wine available
press release

"The best audience is intelligent, well-educated and a little drunk." -Alben W. Barkley (one of America's more forgettable Vice Presidents)

hosted by
NASTY CANASTA
& JONNY PORKPIE

intoxicating acts:
ANITA COOKIE does TEQUILA
BAMBI the MERMAID does A MARTINI
CLAMS CASINO does GUINNESS
HARVEST MOON does CHAMPAGNE
NAUGHTIA NICE does THE BAR
NELSON LUGO does WATER or does he?
ROSE WOOD does JACK DANIELS
SCOTTY the BLUE BUNNY overdoes WINE
TIGGER does NECTAR OF THE GODS
VERONIKA SWEET does SHOTS

7:30pm SATURDAY JULY 1
NAKED PLANET
Sci-Fi Burlesque Re-Run

BUY ADVANCE TICKETS at THEATERMANIA.com

hosted by NASTY CANASTA
& JONNY PORKPIE
of the future!

ANITA COOKIE does STAR TREK
CREAMY STEVENS (& NASTY) do DOCTOR WHO
DELIRIUM TREMENS does DEEP SPACE NINE
GIGI LaFEMME does STAR WARS
HOWLIN' VIC does LIVING DOLLS
MISS FIRECRACKER does DARTH VADER
NAUGHTIA NICE does THE BRIDGE CREW
SCHAFFER the DARKLORD does CLONES
WORLD FAMOUS *BOB* does 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY

COLLECTIVE:UNCONSCIOUS
279 Church Street, TriBeCa
$15 | beer & wine available
SHOW WILL START PROMPTLY at 7:30

5 World Premieres, 1 East Coast Premiere, 2 Rarely Seen Gems, 2 First Fan Dances Ever, and 4 Fan Favorites!

Want to make sure you have a seat when you get there? Buy in advance
COLLECTIVE:UNCONSCIOUS, 279 Church Street, TriBeCa
$10 | beer & wine available

ALBERT CADABRA mystifies with a RARELY SEEN ILLUSION
BELLE-MORTE BAUDELAIRE entices with an EAST COAST PREMIERE
DELIRIUM TREMENS tempts with a FAN FAVORITE
DIRTY MARTINI allures with a FAN FAVORITE
JO BOOBS beguiles with a WORLD PREMIERE
JONNY PORKPIE does (for some reason) HIS FIRST FAN DANCE EVER
LITTLE BROOKLYN enthralls with a RARELY SEEN ACT
LUKKI enchants a FAN FAVORITE
NASTY CANASTA mesmerizes with a WORLD PREMIERE
RUBY VALENTINE enraptures with a WORLD PREMIERE
SCARLET SINCLAIR seduces with HER FIRST FAN DANCE EVER
VERONIKA SWEET delights with A FAN FAVORITE

Pinchbottom's Sub:Conscious is made possible, in part, by Lower Manhattan Cultural Council with generous support of The September 11th Fund

Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow...

Advance Tickets Available!

Collective:Unconscious presents
PINCHBOTTOM'S SUB:CONSCIOUS

NAKED PLANET Sci-Fi Burlesque

10pm FRIDAY MAY 19 | $10 | beer & wine bar
Collective:Unconscious | 279 Church Street, TriBeCa
made possible, in part, by Lower Manhattan Cultural Council with generous support of The September 11th Fund

hosted by
NASTY CANASTA & JONNY PORKPIE of the FUTURE

ANITA COOKIE & SCOTT RAYOW do STAR TREK
CREAMY STEVENS (& NASTY) do DOCTOR WHO
DELIRIUM TREMENS does DEEP SPACE NINE
GIGI LaFEMME does STAR WARS
HOWLIN' VIC does LIVING DOLLS
JO BOOBS does GODZILLA
MISS SATURN does ROBOTS
NAUGHTIA NICE does THE BRIDGE CREW
SCHAFFER the DARKLORD does CLONES
ZERO BOY does ALIEN ABDUCTIONS

illustration by JVG | background photo by NASA

I post this as the church across the street trumpets its Good Friday mass over the loudspeaker, in clear violation of noise and nuisance laws. Shall we call 311 and complain? No, instead we'll cut through the religiousity with a little blasphemy.

Tonight's the night: Pinchbottom Buresque's first show at Collective:Unconscious. Don't go to church, go to Church Street, for...

COLLECTIVE: UNCONSCIOUS presents
PINCHBOTTOM'S SUB:CONSCIOUS
a new monthly burlesque show

"Thou shalt be drunken, and shalt make thyself naked" Lam. 4:21
BLASPHEMY!
In celebration of passover, good friday, and tax day

10pm FRIDAY, APRIL 14 | $10
Collective:Unconscious
279 Church Street, TriBeCa
beer & wine bar

sinful burlesque by
DIRTY MARTINI
[ ...and more! ]
JULIE ATLAS MUZ
sister LADY RIGEL
rabbi ROSE WOOD
father TIGGER
VELOCITY CHYALLD
uplifting hymns by
Naughtia Nice & Bastard Keith
...and MORE

with your holy hosts
NASTY CANASTA & JONNY PORKPIE
and special appearances by
JESUS, JESUS, & JESUS

postcard photos by Dale Harris | postcard design by FictCo

Ah, spring! Time of rebirth! Time of plagues! Time to start plugging a new show!

Pinchbottom's Sub:Conscious presents
BLASPHEMY!
(In celebration of passover, good friday, and tax day)
with yout holy hosts NASTY CANASTA and JONNY PORKPIE and sin-smashing guest-sermons by the most immoral of burlesque stars: JULIE ATLAS MUZ, DIRTY MARTINI, RABBI ROSE WOOD, SISTER AMMO, [ ...and more! ], SISTER LADY RIGEL, VELOCITY CHYALLD, and more, with uplifting hymns by NAUGHTIA NICE and BASTARD KIETH.

10pm FRIDAY, APRIL 14 | $10
Collective:Unconscious, 279 Church Street, TriBeCa
beer & wine available
the first of a new monthy themed burlesque series

Press release follows after jump.

ATTENTION SINNERS!
The Right Reverend Pinchbottom claims his ministry will cleanse your malefactions through the soul-saving power of BURLESQUE!

ALL FAITHS! ALL SECTS! PARTIALLY NUDE!
FEAST YOUR EYES ON SOME OF THE GOOD LORD'S FINEST CREATIONS!

On Friday, April 14th, 2006, PINCHBOTTOM'S OLD-TIME TENT REVIVAL AND BURLESQUE SHOW will spread the good word (and other things) in New York City! Your holy hosts NASTY CANASTA and JONNY PORKPIE will preach on the gospel according to Saint Michael (the patron saint of TEMPTATION), with sin-smashing guest-sermons by the most immoral of burlesque stars: JULIE ATLAS MUZ, DIRTY MARTINI, RABBI ROSE WOOD, SISTER AMMO, [ ...and more! ], SISTER LADY RIGEL, VELOCITY CHYALLD, with uplifting hymns and special appearances by JESUS, JESUS, and JESUS.

"How shall striptease purify our spirits?" intones the Right Reverend Pinchbottom, "The power of the naked body is evident throughout The Good Book; in the garden of Eden, we were nude, and we were blessed. It was only when we became clothed that we became sinners. Therefore, burlesque -- the act of becoming naked -- is the act of becoming holy."

"Lamentations 4:21 states unequivocally, 'Thou shalt be DRUNKEN, and shalt make thyself NAKED.' How much clearer must it be? In Isaih 20:2, the command to strip thyself teasingly comes directly from on high… 'Spake the LORD... Go and loose the sackcloth from off thy LOINS, and put off thy shoe from thy foot. And he did so, walking naked and barefoot.' We, too, shall follow that Word at Pinchbottom's Old-Time Tent Revival and Burlesque Show!"

"The dirtier we are, the more cleansed you shall be! We shall trumpet our nakedness to the hills! 'Therefore I will wail and howl, I will go STRIPPED and naked: I will make a wailing like the dragons.' – Micah 1:8."

God could not be reached for comment.

PINCHBOTTOM'S OLD-TIME TENT REVIVAL AND BURLESQUE SHOW will be in The Big Apple for ONE CRUSADE ONLY: 10:00PM on FRIDAY, APRIL 14TH, 2006, at COLLECTIVE:UNCONSCIOUS in TriBeCa.

If I know anything, I know that you, my loyal reader, has always wondered what I'd look like with a sleazy little moustache ala Marlon Brando in The Godfather, Part 1. Well, thanks to the quick lens of burly-q photog extraordinaire "Rodmur", you can! (After the jump)

&bull More from Rodmur of that event

Ever wanted to see Jonny Porkpie as Ed Wood? No, probably not. But you can: tonight at 10pm, Rififi, in a number entitled Plan 9.75". Above: a prop for that very number. Chilling!

UPDATE: Documentation!

Join Jonny Porkpie as he celebrates his crushing victory over the Bloomberg/Ferrer cabal in the 2005 NYC Mayoral election, outlines his plans for the future of the city, and auditions potential mayoral interns.
WARNING: As with all political rallies, this event may involve nudity.

Pundits include:
[ ...and more! ]
Veronika Sweet
Nasty Canasta
Clea Cutthroat
El Teresa
Roc Roc It
and the voters of New York City

Sunday, November 6th @ 10pm
Rififi, 332 East 11th Street

For your looking enjoyment: The RED HOTS BURLESQUE at CONEY ISLAND BURLESQUE ON THE BEACH poster, created by yours truly.

This "Sizzling End-Of-Summer-Spectacular" will take place at 10pm on Friday, September 2nd. And what a lineup! What, a lineup?

Starring The Red Hots Themselves
The Naughty NASTY CANASTA
The Delicious [ ...and more! ]
The Vivacious VERONIKA SWEET

and hosted by
Charming Trickster NELSON LUGO

also starring
The Legendary JO BOOBS
The Surprising ROSE WOOD
Accordian-Clad OLD MA FEMME
Sword-Swallowing HEATHER HOLIDAY

and of course
The Beautiful and Talented YOURS TRULY

RED HOTS BURLESQUE AT THE BEACH
Friday, September 2 @ 10pm
CONEY ISLAND USA, Brooklyn NY
1200 Surf Ave at West 12th Street
Fireworks at 9:30

(Then, on Sunday September 4 @ 10pm, continue the holiday weekend fun when future mayor JONNY PORKPIE hosts a campaign rally at the weekly RED HOTS show: Rififi, 332 E. 11th St., between 1st & 2nd Ave.)

See one! See both! Don't make me come over there!

Congrats to Nasty Canasta, who this afternoon won the "Hottest Freshman" Award in the 2005 Golden Pasties Awards of the 3rd Annual New York Burlesque Festival.

In the words of the always insightful S. Melone, who has known Miss Canasta since she first captured my heart more than 10 years ago; "Of course... She's been the hottest freshman for as long as we've known her."

Others burlesque luminaries taking home Golden Pasties included Scarlet Sinclair (co-winner of the "Hottest Freshman" honor), Scotty The Blue Bunny, Jo Boobs, The World Famous *BOB*, The Pontani Sisters, and Tigger.

All who voted at my command; well done. Since Nasty won only one of the two awards for which she was nominated, I will resume stripping a soon as I can get my scanner to scan.

Nasty Canasta has been nominated for both the "Best Pasties" honor AND the "Hottest Freshman" honor in the Golden Pasties Awards from the New York Burlesque Festival. She deserves BOTH; VOTE FOR HER, I COMMAND YOU.

If Nasty wins both honors, the comic strip shall begin again! And run for at least a month! This I promise! You!

Yes, WUTHERING HIGH, after two years of development, opens its doors tonight. In order to prepare for the trying role of Heathcliff, I'm going to spend the day hanging people's dogs*.

(*If you don't get this, re-read Wuthering Heights. Or don't. It's a pretty weightly tome, actually. Why not just come see the play?)

So, hey, if you want to see thirtysomethings (Should I include a Book of Ages plug here? Nah.) play teenagers — just like in the 80s! — I'm 94% sure that this is the show for you!

...a first-hand view of my dramatic new HAIRCUT. My hair hasn't been this short since 1989.

• WUTHERING HIGH opens Thursday. Discount advance sale tix available for first weekend via SmartTix, use secret code ELLIS. No photos of new hair available at Wuthering High dot com

People have been complaining of late that this site has not been hawking enough Burlesque. I can only apologize, profusely, and offer this as consolation:

Join your vivacious starlet tour guide NASTY CANASTA and her assistant Jonny Porkpie as they take you on a tassel-twirling romp through movie history with the Technicolor bump and grind of LITTLE BROOKLYN, [ ...and more! ] & VERONIKA SWEET of The Reds Hots, OLD MA FEMME, and the foley follies of ZERO BOY. From the sexiest silent-era slapstick antics you've ever seen, to the go-go glamour of cinema's golden age, to the high tech spectacle of modern film, this "must see" night of big-screen burlesque will leave you begging for a sequel... or three.

How could the release date (Oct 26) for THE BIG 40! (a.k.a Book of Ages 2) pass without a ridiculous amount of self-promotion in this space (jvg.com)? It just could, that's how. But tomorrow, or, in this case, today, is another day, and with that new day comes the opportunity to buy THE BIG 40! via this link preceding these words.

- BOA blog lives! (now, 10 years older) [bookofages.com]
- Tour THE BIG 40! [bookofages.com]
- Lock plugs The Big 40! on Curbed [curbed.com]
- The Big 40! Page at Random House of Canada (new category: Social Science/Popular Culture) [randomhouse.ca]
- CiN Weekly fails to mention The Big 40! in recent article about turning 30 [cinweekly.com]

And, lest we be accused of lax salesmanship...
- Buy THE BIG 40! [amazon.com]
- Book of Ages 30: Still Exists! [amazon.com]

This Sunday, come see Nasty Canasta's brand-spanking new halloween-themed number THE MUMMY'S CURVES, costarring yours truly.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 24 at 10 PM
RED HOTS BURLESQUE – $5!
RiFiFi 322 E. 11th St. (between 1st & 2nd Ave.)

Also appearing: [ ...and more! ], Scooter Pie, Veronika Sweet, and the legendary Jo Boobs.

Sigh. Once again, I'm NOT the prettiest one there.

Check out the latest issue of American Theater, where Thiny Ninja Theater presents Hamlet is listed as one of the picks of the upcoming season!

(photo by Xina Nicosia)

Details about Tiny Ninja Theater's upcoming WORLD PREMIERE production of Hamlet... The first brand-new mainstage Tiny Ninja show since October 2002!

TINY NINJA THEATER presents HAMLET
Shakespeare's classic tale of madness and revenge performed by inch-high plastic ninjas and other dime-store figures.

October 28-November 21
Thursday - Saturday at 7:30pm, Sunday at 3pm
Post-show reception, October 28

at P.S. 122
151 First Ave at E. 9th Street

$15
BUY TICKETS
Online via TicketWeb
or at the Box Office (Tues-Sat 2pm-showtime, Sun 4pm-showtime): 151 1st Ave
or by phone (Tues-Sat 2-6pm, Sunday 4-6pm):
212-477-5288

As usual, seating is limited, so buy tickets early and often.

"Once you've seen its Romeo & Juliet, you'll want to come to back for figurine versions of Hamlet or Othello or whatever else." —The Washington Post

made possible in part by a grant from The Henson Foundation
co-produced by 4Panel Productions

This weekend and weekends to come, 4Panel produced happenings upstate and down:

Tiny Ninja Theater presents ROMEO & JULIET at Woodstock Fringe. And while you're at the 'Stock Fringe, be sure to catch The Days Are as Grass starring, of all people, my mom!

Now it can be told!
The next Tiny Ninja Theater production will be Tiny Ninja Theater presents HAMLET premiering October 28 at P.S. 122

And the next TheaterSounds reading will be: Saturday, September 11 @ 8pm
THE QUEEN OF BINGO
by Jeanne Michels and Phyllis Murphy
with Watson Heintz and Arlene Sterne
directed by Nicola Sheara

Attend, philistines!

This is it; tonight at 7pm, your last (perhaps very last ever) chance to see MAN OF INFINITE DESIRE, as part of THE HELL FESTIVAL at The Brick in Williamsburg.

What? You say you're too cool to come to Brooklyn? Friend, you don't know what "cool" is. But I'll tell you one thing; it ain't the HELL FEST. Because the HELL FEST is HOT. So get your hipster asses on the L train and QUIT YOUR GODDAMN WHINING.

I apologize. I love you all. I really do. Especially you, there. With the glasses. You're cute. Hey, what are you doing tonight? Nothing? Well, then, COME TO THE SHOW.

Afterwards, we can make passionate love in a dumpster.

MAN OF INFINITE DESIRE
@ THE HELL FEST @ THE BRICK
575 Metropolitan Ave in Williamsburgh, Brooklyn
G to Metropolitan Ave or L to Lorimer

A brief Faust primer created for the back of the Man of Infinite Desire program. Colorized for your online enjoyment. Now that you've seen the primer, go to hell!
(The Hell Festival, that is, at which MOID has four performances left:
8/5 @ 7pm, 8/9 @ 8:30pm, 8/14 @ 3pm, 8/19 @ 7pm.)

SATURDAY
The night for COLD WAR BURLESQUE, which is already receiving attention from several prominent media outlets. We have it on good authority that Nasty Canasta, the official Burlesque artist of jvg.com AND your hostess for the evening, will be doing not-one-but-two brand new numbers, composed especially for the show.

COLD WAR BURLESQUE
Saturday, July 30
Show starts at 9pm, doors open at 8pm
@ Siberia
356 West 40th at 9th Ave (Red Light over Black Door)
$8, no drink minimum

--------

FRIDAY
And, for those of you needing entertainment this very night, the newest version of MAN OF INFINITE DESIRE opens at The Hell Festival. Last time, NYTheater.com said "Complex as a puzzle yet also as simply delightful as a magician pulling a coin from your ear, Man of Infinite Desire calls to you like a ringmaster to watch your own preconceptions of life, death, hell and desire appear on the high wire. Answer the call." They're sending another reviewer this time — only time will tell what this one says.

MAN OF INFINITE DESIRE
as part of THE HELL FESTIVAL
Friday, July 30 @ 7pm, Thusday, August 5 @ 7pm, Monday, August 9 @ 8:30pm, Saturday, August 14 @ 3pm, Thursday, August 19 @ 7pm
at The Brick: 575 Metropolitan Ave, Williamsburgh, Brooklyn
G to Metropolitan Ave or L to Lorimer
$10

As the brand new "Summer Fun!" bar on the right-hand side of your screen indicates, I shall once again be incessantly hawking theatrical projects in the coming summer months. Some of said projects are as follows:

The newly-revamped for 2004 MAN of INFINITE DESIRE at the Brick's Hell Festival. Yes, once again my hot and talented wife will perform her mind-blowing one-woman version of Faust. If you saw the 2002 production in NYC (scroll down for review), this version is quite different. If you saw the Summer 2003 production at the Woodstock Fringe, this version is not as different as it is different from the 2002 production, but still quite different. Those of you who saw the Fall 2003 production are imagining things. (Also appearing at that festival is Cagey Productions' Blue Puppies in Hell.)

Pinchbottom, the brand spanking new Burlesque division of 4Panel Productions has put together its first show, and it's a hum-doozy. When it was determined that it would take place the legendary Siberia, what else could Pinchbottom do but COLD WAR BURLESQUE? From Yalta to the Bay of Pigs to Sputnik to Star Wars to the fall of the USSR, is there any better inspiration for beautiful women to remove their clothing?

So far, the lineup includes the sultry Vegas-style shimmyings of Veronika Sweet, the red hot red hotness of Scooter Pie and [ ...and more! ] of the Red Hots and, of course, the nasty-style nastiness of jvg.com's official Burlesque artist, Nasty Canasta.

So check out of your bomb shelter and into Cold War Burlesque; we guarantee that this will be the hottest Cold War you've ever seen! (Other possible taglines include: "Of all the burlesque you've ever seen, this is the Glasnost!")

NASTY CANASTA, the official Burlesque artist of jvg.com, is painting the town Nasty with 5, count 'em, five, shows in the next 8, count 'em, eight days.

Rumor has it she'll be doing completely different acts at each and every show, including (but not limited to) audience favorite Remote Control ("When Nasty turns on the TV, the TV turns on Nasty!"), reverse strip Morning After, and puppet burlesque Miracle Grow ("The more she shows, the more it grows!")

As an added bonus, yours truly will join her on stage for the 6/28 show.

FRIDAY, JUNE 25th at 1:00AM
Burlesque-a-Go-Go at
GALAPAGOS Art Space
70 North 6th Street, Williamsburg, Brooklyn

SUNDAY, JUNE 27th at 10PM
with RED HOTS BURLESQUE
at RiFiFi, 332 E. 11th St. (Bet. 1st & 2nd Ave.)

MONDAY, JUNE 28 at 9:30 PM
Monday Evening Burlesque at
GALAPAGOS Art Space

THURSDAY, JULY 1 at 10 PM
STARSHINE BURLESQUE
at RiFiFi

FRIDAY, JULY 2 at 1:00AM
Burlesque-a-Go-Go at
GALAPAGOS Art Space

A staggering announcement: I shall be returning to the stage after an absence of nearly three years, joining Nasty Canasta for Slutty Puppets.

If you would like to be a witness this momentous event, join me tomorrow (Friday June 4th) at 10pm at CB's 313 Gallery.

It's show-plugging time here at jvg.com!

Wuthering High co-producer Cagey Productions is putting on an hour-long version of the latest Golden Age show, EXIT! STAGE LEFT! The Golden Age has been getting accolades from all the most quotable publications (The New York Times: "THE GOLDEN AGE, a vaudeville group, brings fresh interpretations of a classic comedic style to this family show. A glance through the rear-view mirror." Backstage: "...A madcap, hilarious hour of non-stop comedy." The New Yorker: "Good old-fashioned comedy has returned to Times Square.") and now Cagey is going to let you see excerpts from their new show for free.

That's right, dammit, I said "free." Two Mondays only.
Here's what Cagey has to say:

Six Vaudevillian Actors. Five Bouncy songs. Four Desperate Acts. Three Deadly Weapons. Two Slamming Doors. One Crate of Dynamite.

You are invited to a Producer's Showcase of excerpts from
THE GOLDEN AGE in EXIT! STAGE LEFT!

Monday April 19th and 26th @ 6:30pm
Manhattan Theatre Club Studio 2
311 West 43rd Street, 8th Floor, NYC

you must RSVP!
by phone: 212-501-3991 | by email:
leave your name, number, # of guests and date attending

Don't miss it, or next time you may have to pay.

Coming next week: an invitation to a sneak preview of a new musical about the wacky misadventures of a corrupt politician...

Aghast as I am when precious media coverage is wasted on people other than myself, I feel it my spousal obligation to note that my wife has been receiving somewhat positive notices for her performance in the play Proof, in the "upstate" area of New York.

Some excerpts from the local broadsheets
"Even if you do not possess a math gene, you will be swept away by Christina Nicosia's performance as the prodigy who does... Nicosia will draw you into this high-class math mystery like a captured angel, gawky and beautiful, grubby and incandescent in her manifestation. Upstate or down in Gotham, her work with [director Nicola] Sheara is Tony Award material." —The Daily Freeman

"Christina Nicosia's portrayal of Catherine is superb." — Times Herald Record

"Christina Nicosia gives a stellar performance as Catherine... [she] draws on her extensive background in theater to create a complex, multi-dimensional character that keeps the audience curious and engaged from the beginning to the end of the play. The actress is attractive, intelligent, and totally believable in this pivotal role." —The Woodstock Times

So full of praise are these members of the fifth estate — for the show and my wife's performance therein — that none of them manages to do the minimal research required to uncover a truly fascinating fact about Nicosia — she's married to me.

God, I am so sick of the "press." Have I been mentioned in The New York Times recently? Well, why the hell not?

Due to circumstances beyond our control, the Man of Infinite Desire performance this weekend has been cancelled. Don't worry, you won't miss the opportunity to see the sexiest devil this side of hell — we promise to reschedule.

With only 10 days to go until the new version of Man of Infinite Desire premieres at The Bowery Poetry Club, Xina and I headed over to Bindlestiff's LuckyStiff @ The Pussycat Lounge to do some burlesque research.

The Pussycat building's unique combo of sleaze and art raises an interesting question: Why does Xina find the genuine strip club downstairs objectionable, but the burlesque show upstairs exciting? Same basic premise: women take off their clothes for money. A flight of steps (and a hefty cover charge for the burlesque) spell the difference between disturbing and intriguing. Why?

Production Notes:
— Costume: add garders & hose. Red.
— Routine: Pants off first, THEN shirt. Pants still a problem.
— Solution: German professor. Will glasses from Buddy work?

...and you can see her in various stages of undress in the updated Man of Infinite Desire — her one-woman retelling of the Faust story from the point of view of Mephistopheles using monologue, mask, puppetry, prestidigitation, and (newly added for this version) burlesque — which returns to NYC next month for one performance only at The Bowery Poetry Club.

Not only is the show sexy, it's also smart. What more could you want? Beer, you say? Well, good news: The Bowery Poetry club has a bar.

4Panel Productions presents
Man of Infinite Desire
written and performed by Christina Nicosia

Saturday, October 18th, 2003 @ 2pm
The Bowery Poetry Club | $10

• Faust primer
• Official Website
• NYTheatre.com Review “Complex as a puzzle yet also as simply delightful as a magician pulling a coin from your ear, Man of Infinite Desire calls to you like a ringmaster to watch your own preconceptions of life, death, hell and desire appear on the high wire. Answer the call.”

The rumor that Buddy himself caused the blackout in order to get the shows cancelled is, of course, ludicrous. Even if he had, if wasn't effective; we're adding two replacement shows anyway.

The dates:
Tuesday, August 19th @ 7:00pm
Thursday, August 21st @ 7:15pm 11:30pm

at the same LES location:
Teatro La Tea
107 Suffolk Street
between Rivington and Delancey

Good news for all you screwups who didn't manage to get tickets the first time around: these shows aren't being presold, so you've got two more chances. Tickets go on sale at the door 15 minutes before showtime, cash only, $15 each.

Bad news for all of you non-screwups who actually bought tickets for the blackout shows. You might still get in, but... (the Fringe's official announcement)

Holding tickets for FringeNYC Performances 8/14 or 8/15? For those of you who had purchased tickets for shows on Thursday the 14th or Friday the 15th (the two days of shows we had to cancel) you will be refunded in one of two ways, depending upon how you purchased your tickets.

ADVANCE SALES BY WEB OR PHONE - If you purchased your tickets at www.FringeNYC.org or www.TicketWeb.com, or via our phone room, you have already been issued a refund by TicketWeb, our ticketing partner.

ADVANCE SALES AT FringeCENTRAL - If you purchased tickets in advance at FringeCENTRAL, please send the tickets, and a self-addressed stamped envelope to:

The Present Company
520 Eighth Avenue, Ste. 311
New York, NY 10018

We will be issuing refund checks for tickets which are mailed to us.

We're sorry, but we are not set up to do "exchanges" of tickets from one performance into another. We must refund your tickets for the cancelled performances and you can purchase tickets for the new performances. Thank you for your understanding.

Rescheduled Performances
We are working to re-schedule performances that were cancelled on Thursday and Friday due to the power outage. As soon as we have a list of added performances, we'll send them out via this newsletter...so stay tuned! Unfortunately, we won't be able to sell advance tickets for these shows. Tickets will be available at the box office at the venue where the show is playing, fifteen minutes prior to the announced curtain time. Sales will be cash only.

Fun!

And I wax effusive over at the production blog. And, to make it all the worse, I actually mean it.

I have returned from my sojourn to find that the opening night of "Buddy" Cianci: the musical is sold out, due no doubt to the enormous selling power inherent in the name.

By which I mean, of course, my name.

Tickets for "Buddy" Cianci: the musical are now on sale. Get 'em while they're hot and juicy!

Not entirely sure if this has ever been done before — or, indeed, if it's an especially good idea — but we've just launched a production blog over at the "Buddy" Cianci: the musical website. For the next month, the crew will be updating on a daily basis, giving some damn good insight into the level of pure, undiluted insanity required to put up an off-off-Broadway show.

• Buddy Production Blog

I've just relaunched the Buddy website. Fun features include: eerie pictures of Dave looking a bit to much like Buddy; links to ProJo articles about the entire Buddy saga; a link to a description of the prison in which Buddy currently resides, written by an inmate; and a calendar. A CALENDAR!

OFFICIAL NOTICE
The following photo will not be used as one of the "Buddy" Cianci: the musical press photos.

David Stern as Mayor "Buddy" Cianci and Michael Johnson as FBI Agent Aiken, Together Again for the First Time

To round out the jvg.com week of theater-related posts, a staggering announcement:

"Buddy" Cianci: the musical has been accepted to the 2003 New York Fringe Festival (FringeNYC), the spawning ground for such hits as Broadway's Urinetown, Tiny Ninja Theater, and Man of Infinite Desire.

The Van Gieson/Tarantino-penned epic about the much beloved and twice convicted ex-mayor of Providence, R.I., produced by 4Panel Productions, will feature such rollicking new neo-swing tunes as "The Armpit of New England," "Operation: Plunderdome," and "The Ass You Have to Kiss Today."

FringeNYC runs Friday, August 8 through Sunday, August 24.

For your enjoyment, the official blurb:
"Everybody loved Mayor “Buddy,” except the FBI. The true story of Rhode Island’s most popular politician, six times elected, twice convicted. A modern gangster musical about the man who turned Providence from The Armpit of New England into The Renaissance City."

• "Buddy" Cianci: the musical official website

While we're on the subject of Tiny Ninja Theater, you've only got six chances left to see the vending machine thespians before they head out to Germany and Sweden. Tonight is one of them.

Tiny Ninja Theater presents Romeo & Juliet runs Thursday at 6pm and Sunday at 1pm for the next two weeks, and Tiny Ninja Theater presents MACBETH shows Saturdays at 2pm, both at the Bowery Poetry Club. More info and advance tickets here.

For those of you that were wondering how difficult it would be to drive across the Manhattan Bridge with a giant fake rock strapped to the roof of your car, the answer is: not very. Although you do run the serious risk of bemused looks from traffic cops.


Photo by David V.

(Confidential to the guy who oh-so-sneakily snapped a picture of us with his cel phone camera: Buddy, you're not fooling anybody but yourself.)