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THE WEBLOG ARCHIVE: The Gallivants of Fame

June 05, 2007

Off to Vegas! | 08:29 PM

For some more of this sort of thing:


April 10, 2006

Now THIS is the way to celebrate a Birthday | 02:36 PM

(Those related to me by birth or marriage might want to skip this one.)


photo by Dale Harris More from the event

April 02, 2006

Tonight! | 01:18 PM

Say, why not join me for my birthday celebration, tonight at 10pm at RiFiFi? I'll be sharing my presents with everybody there! And they're VERY good presents....

JVG Birthday Show
@ Red Hots Burlesque
RiFiFi, 332 E. 11th St. (between 1st & 2nd Ave.)
10pm, $5

January 03, 2006

New Years | 03:03 PM

What did I do this New Years?

What, in fact, could be better?
(I'm the one in the corner... no, the corner outside the frame of the photo. Over there. Standing next to Summer Glau. Not, you know, talking to her, but standing next to her.)

UKNOWWHO comments: "cheat...cheat...CHEAT."

July 16, 2005

Writing Report: Van Gieson's Off His Ass | 02:01 AM

2 dogs, 4 cats, 2 gerbils, and a turtle: Housesitting, 4 days. A play completed. (Disclaimer: first draft.)

Vital Stats, New Play:
Pre-Edit Word Count: 19,395
Pre-Edit page count: 74 (Garamond, 11pt)

Author's Current Feeling About Work: Perplexed
Next Step: Enjoy Celebratory Boylan Brand Black Cherry Soda, Spell Check

Frequency of occurrence in script, certain words:
"Well": 38
"Fine": 38 (TIE!)
"Love": 8
"Sex": 8
"Death": 2
"Taxes": 0
"Art": 14
"Fuck": 28 (Cue criticism from Dov)
"Naked": 69 (Coincidental: Not kidding)
"Nakeder": 1
"Totally": 2 (after Wuthering High, a new low!)
"Important": 6
"Famous": 3
"Is": 853

Working Title of Play:
"Nude. or, the putrid muse"

Number of times title word ("nude") appears in play: 34
Number of people other than the author who find these statistics interesting: 0

A play completed: Spam is sure to follow. Want to be sure not to miss it?

neilfred comments: "Number of people other than the author who find these statistics interesting: 1"

aeu comments: "I don't give a rats ass about the play. Write the damn book."

March 14, 2005

March: Plans Have Been Made | 02:08 PM

Yes, it's March, and the social calendar is full, full, full. So very many things to do — care to join me?

3/16 @ 7pm: See Erik Gratton in Don Juan in Chicago. Afterwards, drink it up with the Linton twins. What's our ETD?

3/17 @ TBD: Imbibe quantites with Lockhart — caution: Epic Times Ahead!

3/18 @ 10pm: Nasty's back in Siberia with Big City After Dark. Afterwards, Karaoke birthday party for Izzy!

3/19 @ 9am: Zoo School!
3/20 @ 10pm: Nasty Canasta and her able-bodied assistant Jonny Porkpie host the Red Hots Burlesque. Red. HOT.

3/22 @ 6pm: Eliot's opening: photos, photos, phot - ohs!

3/23 @ 2pm: Matinee of Lazer Vaudeville UGH.

3/24 @ 9ishpm: Wuthering High One Month Reunion at Raccoon Lodge

3/25 @ 9pm: Full moon!

3/26 @ 9am: Zoo School Graduation
@ 2pm: Chip/Dip/Engagement Party for Lex and Corie — POSTPONED
@ 8pm: Again with the Nasty, this time with Wasabassco @ Southpaw

3/27 @ 3pm: TheaterSounds reading of Collected Stories

3/31 ALL DAY: All-out-full-day-birthday-madness. Can't be there for all of it? Be there for some of it. Can't be there for some of it? Be there for all of it. Full itinerary coming soon: check your inbox for details.

dunt matta comments: "yo, when you be changin the comix strip??? it be up there fo the longist time. "time fo a change!!!!" --dunt matta"

yoyo trt comments: "change the damn strip!!!!"

JVG comments: "Explanation: The !@#$@# HP Scanner."

Izzy Clinton comments: "Dude. March is really long. "

tracie comments: "im really looking forward to seeing your new comic strips "

January 26, 2005

Scences from Wuthering High's first party | 02:08 PM

by JVG & Xina


Neon artifacting makes this pix so totally 80s, ohmigod.


Who knew Lockhart Steele could be so butch?


Oh, yeah.

aeu comments: "Where's Heathcliff? He's dreamy!"

Hareton comments: "What, no classic JVG double chin shots?"

Bumpers comments: "That Lockhart Steele photo? Two words: "Trenchcoat Mafia.""

Izzy comments: "Dudes. I have a picture of his double chin from the first party. I didn't know it was classic, so I never sent it. Be right back."

Heathcliff comments: "Allright, listen, "Izzy" and "Hareton" — I was nice enough not to post the embarrassing pix of you from that party, but if this keeps up, I may have to reconsider."

October 08, 2004

Booze, politics, comedy, hula hoops, and boobies! | 01:54 PM

This evening's schedule. All below activities are approved by Engaging in any single activity will improve your evening by 67%, guaranteed. Following the complete schedule will result in "rockin' good times!" Can you dig it?

9:00pm: Can one be drunk enough to make the debates watchable? I suspect not. Tape them, instead, to watch at the end of your night on the town. But you can have a beer or two at...

10:30pm: Julie Goldman's Third Party at 45Bleecker. Village voice calls Julie "charmingly deviant." I call her hilarious.

11:30pm: Over to Galapagos to catch the end of Floating Vaudeville, hosted by the wunderbar Miss Saturn (who knew Hula could be so damn sexy?) and featuring the "sound comedy" of Zero Boy (Sounds terrible, I know, but it's really quite funny.)

1:00am-3:00am: Stay at Gpgos (and order more drinks) for Nasty Canasta's Late Night Burlesque-a-Go-Go. Burlesque-on-the-bar numbers in the lineup tonight include: Vegas, NastySuperGeek, and — in honor of the debates — a moving tribute to Bush, and America. Between Nasty sets: tunes spun by DJ Boyracer!

3:00am: Final nightcap at Grace? Perhaps. Or: stumble home drunk. Watch that debate tape. The future of this country is in your brooze-drenched hands!

July 18, 2004

Blossom | 12:31 AM

Finally, a reason to go to Restaurant Row: Blossom Dearie in Danny's Skylight Room. Tonight's show reminded me (among other things) of why it's so easy to love Cole Porter. If you haven't heard Blossom's version of "Give Him the Ooh-La-La" recently, then your music collection is sadly lacking; if you haven't heard a song called "Bruce," then you're just like me, earlier in the evening. I've since rectified my mistake.

aeu comments: "That is EXTREMELY cool."

May 03, 2004

Choose my own adventure | 12:00 AM

So many exciting events available for my attendance this evening! What shall I do? What shall I DO?

The NYC Bloggers Event at the Apple Store from 6-8pm?
Will it be the Denton v. Calacanis smackdown, as promised, or will the two be yawnfully pleasant to each other? Honestly, I couldn't care less. But both Steele and Dobkin have requested that I attent, for the sole purpose of asking inane questions. A free pass to heckle by the organizer? Hard to turn down, if not for...

A Gift for Stanley at 7pm?
My Alma High is holding a bash to honor the outgoing Headmaster, with performances by musicians and artists from the senior class! High school compatriot Crary encouraged me to attend the event when I ran into him and (other high school compatriot) Cardegna in the BBG. The opportunities for heckling may be somewhat reduced, but the chances of bizarre interactions with fellow alums will increase a hundredfold!

Both events will likely be followed by the imbibement of alcohol in a group setting. In the absence of a clear winner, I look to you, my loyal readers, for assistance. What shall I do, loyal readers? What SHALL I do?

aeu comments: "well? what did you do?"

JVG comments: "Nothing."

Lock comments: "Sad."

JVG comments: "It was what I was told to do."

December 16, 2003

Notes on Simon & Gafunkel in D.C. | 02:25 PM

The whole "reunion tour" would be much more convincing had there been any indication whatsoever that Simon & Garfunkel could actually stand each other. The brief moments of bodily contact — a fleeting arm around the shoulders, a momentary touch of raised hands — were belied by the fact that the long-separated duo, over the course of a two-hour concert, never once made eye contact with each other. The overrehearsed "playfully off-the-cuff banter" about their multi-decade feud would have been much easier to chuckle at if the singers, when running through a fairly predictable Greatest Hits set, had been at any moment face-to-face rather than pointedly back-to-back.

Sad, because them boys sure do sound good together.

December 12, 2003

Six Beers Later, We Promised We'd Link | 11:50 AM

And so we will. So we will.

November 19, 2003

The Gallivants of Fame | 03:12 PM

Alcohol of Choice: Beer, with a brief foray into tequila
Role Call: Bass, Bud, Yeungling, Frozen Margarita, PBR, Hefeweizen, Anheuser World Select

Cast of Characters: 9:30-10:45 MLW*; 9:30-11:30 SlayBelle* plus roommate, ColonialDick*, ToughGuyBallet*, Rebecca Hart†, several others; 9:30-5:30am Ninja McFatty*, No Ass O'Barkeep*, TheMidget* (Pseudonym provided by O'Barkeep), ChinaBoy*; 11:30-5:30 MarkTheKnife*; 9:30-6:20am Vaugn Filmy*

Venue Rundown: 9:30pm The Bitter End (on stage: Rebecca Hart†), 10:45pm Peculier Pub, 12:30am Senior Swankys, 1:10am Welcome to the Johnsons, 2:30am Whiskey Ward, 4:30am Apartment in Chinatown, 5:40am The Manhattan Bridge, 6:14am F Train, 6:45am Terrace Bagels

—Frozen Margharitas outside: a tasty winter treat!
—We beat a hasty retreat from Welcome to the Johnsons after NOA'B decides that the person on whom he spilled a drink is ready to rumble. TheMidget: "I was trying to decide how many of them I could take."
—Multiple doorbell rings fail to rouse Lockhart†. Evening becomes 2% less epic.
—Bartender at Whiskey Ward, when VF and I order a 22-ouncer to share: "I don't care, be as gay as you want."
—VF and I decide that a pre-dawn jog across the Manhattan Bridge is a fine way to start my new fitness regime. NMcF demurs.
—Several moments later, I decide that a pre-dawn walk across the Manhattan Bridge is a fine way to start my new fitness regime.
—To hell with the new fitness regime.

Final Analysis: Top to bottom, an evening to remember. Vaguely remember.

* Pseudonyms are either new, or may have changed since previous posts. Couldn't be bothered to look them up.

† This is not a pseudonym.

This Just In | 06:54 AM

Me. Just in from a night on the town that included music, drinking, and annoying Lockhart. What could be more epic? More details — and today's strip — after a brief nap.

November 12, 2003

Bar Owners, Check The Locks on Your Bathrooms | 12:00 AM

A drink with Lockhart at Local 138 takes an interesting turn when, attempting to take a bathroom break, I burst in on a female bar patron "powdering her nose." Being the gentleman that I am, I throw my hands up in the air, proclaim "sorry!" in a somewhat squeaky voice, and head to the other facility.

"That was an embarrassing experience," I note, when I return to the bar. A few moments later, the woman on whom I intruded approaches and introduces herself, explaining that — since we know each other so well already — she thought she should say hello. She goes on to explain that 1. she was sure she had locked the door, 2. this was the second time she had been walked in on recently, and 3. her strange toilet posture — perched atop the seat as if ready to pounce on a passing rat — was due to lessons learned during her recent travels in India.

"The one thing more embarrassing than walking in on someone," opines Lock when she departs, "is the conversation afterwards."

Perhaps. Or perhaps the most embarassing of all is blogging about the experience.

For the record, the last time something of this sort happened was at the Gothamist/601am Happy Hour at Remote Lounge. That time, it was a man. His reaction: "DUDE!"

September 17, 2003

Upcoming Event | 03:14 PM, in conjunction with, is pleased to announce:

to the Gothamist/601am Happy Hour
Due to the exclusive nature of this event, the party will take place at an undisclosed location. Invitations will be hand-delivered to the crème de la crème of the blognoscenti this afternoon. Please, no phone calls.

September 10, 2003

New York be warned | 03:12 AM

Another epic night on the town with Shanky Locust* is long overdue, and will likely be occurring in the not-too-distant future.

No Ass O'Barkeep, put the Ketel on. And expect us no earlier than 3:45am.

* Remember pseudonyms?

May 09, 2003

More Theatrical Gallivants | 06:26 PM

May I recommend the vaudevillian antics of The Golden Age in their newest show Is There A Doctor in the House? I caught opening night on Wednesday at the Metropolitan Playhouse, which delivered a cavalcade of great bits stolen from the "era of lunatic virtuosity." In fact, I stole many of the same bits — including the classic line "A girl backed into an airplane propeller: disaster" — for my junior year playwriting effort, Burlesque, written at the tender age of 20. The Golden Age does it much better than I did, but then again, I only wrote the damn thing to meet girls. Is There a Doctor in the House? runs through May 17th. More info here.

(Full disclosure: the show is produced by Cagey Productions, 4Panel's partner-in-crime for the upcoming 1980s Teen Movie Bronte extravaganza Wuthering High.)

March 01, 2003

Tonight's Gallivants | 04:36 PM

Off this evening to duck behind the secret bookcase at Partners & Crime and into the 1950's W-WOW Radio Studio, where they'll perform episodes of the classic mystery series "Broadway is my Beat" and "The Saint." Fun. Mysterious. Highly recommended.

January 28, 2003

The Gallivants of Fame | 12:01 PM

For no apparent reason, it was blind date night over at Grace last night. To quote myself: the disappointment hung in the air "so low and so thick that a short guy with a knife could cut it with a fork." One couple's lack of enthusiasm radiated across the bar even as they introduced themselves. ("Are you Jim?" "Yes, are you Mary?" "Yes." "Hi!" "Hi!" —long pause— "So, let's, um, sit down...") The other couple seemed to be hitting it off – they were both slightly more attractive – until I noticed that the woman was spending more time listening to our conversation than to her date.

Also: according to No Ass O'Barkeep, the "giving employees a minor ownership stake" smoking-ban workaround won't work; the exception only applies for bars in which each partner owns 33.3333% or more. I, for one, am looking forward to a smoke-free birthday.

January 10, 2003

Dateline: D.C. - The Gallivants of Fame Power | 09:31 AM

Started the evening in classic District style, watching the sun set over the phallus of the Washington monument from the steps of the Capitol building. BarnRaiser*, my guide, filled me in on some startling omissions in the Library of Congress' Law Section.

Then on to Fadó, a self-conscious little Irish chain pub in the center of Chinatown, meeting Burnt Alice* to tip back a couple of "proudly-poured 20 oz pints." Amidst the contrived clutter of Emerald Isle paraphernalia (James Joyce, apparently, was Irish), we met a lovely gentleman who bought us drinks and kept telling his wife to shut the [expletive deleted] up so he could talk. Her analysis: "I've been away for a while. He needs a good [expletive deleted] as much as I do." They were still sitting there when we left.
Lies told: Alma Mater (Advanced Studies): Northwestern University School of Law (expelled), Alma mater (Undergrad):Pastry School, Johnson & Wales.

Headed a few blocks over to The Warehouse Theater to meet BananaBoy*, 100 Cows* (my hosts in this fair city) and other friends for the Capitol City premiere of Tiny Ninja Theater presents Romeo & Juliet, then back Chinatown way for a lawyer-heavy dinner (50% of attendees) at Full Kee, a well-reviewed subterranean establishment which I would avoid if you have an allergy to shrimp, as the wait staff tends to be somewhat unclear about the ingredients of their dumplings.

Losing the rest of the crowd, BR, BA and I made our way to the fashionable Adams-Morgan area for a late-night (10pm, apparently, in D.C.) lip-wetter. After trudging through a crowded Tryst (an enormous, smoky Starbucks with booze) and Millie & Al's (a dingy hole-in-the-wall with pretensions), we settled on relatively-uncrowded late-eighties atmosphere of Toledo Lounge for a final libation to the tune of Tony Basil's "Mickey". Hey, Mickey, you're so fine. You're so fine you blow my mind. Hey, Mickey. Hey, Mickey.

Evening's Goal: Get Burnt Alice drunk enough that she shows up for work hungover (failed)
Bar Roundup: Fadó, Tryst, Millie & Al's, Toledo Lounge
Alcohol of Choice: Beer, supplemented by Whiskey shots
Best Pickup Line: (irresistible, despite complete lack of interest on my part)
Me: (Explains that my first name, as recorded on my birth certificate, is "Baby Boy")
She: So, can we call you Baby Boy?
Me: You can just call me Baby.

*new pseudonym

January 05, 2003

The Gallivants of Fame | 04:18 AM

Just in from a bon voyage fete for The Winner, who returns to P-Land on an AM flight. Started off the eve – joined by Not S'Dumb, Shelly Blonde, HookahG* (in from Philly), surprise guest AlleyBird*, and latecomer JuBall* – with a dance party at Duane Hall to the beats of JayBird.

Then off to a nearby diner, where I was able to convince AlleyBird, who daylights as a beauty editrix at Glamour magazine, to share some inside fashion tips for the upcoming season (Curly hair is in, Pink remains a hot color.)

Dénouement: joined by Tomato Mang* and WWOA* at the S'Dumb/Blonde abode for a final throw of the Hot Dice ( pick for gaming trend of 2003.)

Alcohol of Choice: Beer
Conversation stopper: Tomato Mang's in-depth panel-by-panel description of "the most bizarre Beetle Baily strip ever," which features the army dog in bed with a busty french poodle.
Late Night Playlist:
Paul Simon/Greatest Hits, Etc.
Appezöller Chääs Platte/Bodetändegi Musig Os Em Würzige Appezöllerland
¡The Brave Bulls!/La Fiesta Brave Vol 1: Music of the Bullfight Ring

*new pseudonym

December 31, 2002

The Gallivants of Fame | 01:05 PM

The 9th or 10th Annual Night Before New Years Eve Party was – as always – a raging success, with famous friends dropping in from all corners of the globe.

Hosted for the second year at Grace, NBNYE's low-key early hours featured much of the usual gang: No Ass O'Barkeep, Fatty McNinja, Pretentious Folky Bitch, Pussy Galore* and My Lovely Wife*, whose flapper couture was the hit of the evening. PG, as I'm sure you remember, hosted the infamous NBNYE2K, which found me enjoying the comforts of her Park Slope bathroom for a good portion of the night. Tip for beginners: Never try to play catchup with a half-soused Irish lesbian.

As the Ten O'Clock hour passed, the crowd rolled in, including PithyPants* – just back from 6 months of living in London, it's not a big deal – and Wiley's Dawg (pseudonym changed by request from "Wiley's Dog"), Doctor Juice and Riss*, Kid Rock Lady*, Long Tall Yahtzee* (whose claim to "have a girlfriend" was not substantiated by the woman in question), Well-Lighted Turnip* and Half of Destro's Face* in from California, as well as friends – and friends of friends – from such far-flung locales as Chicago, France, and Williamsburg. Vaughn Filmy brought his DVCam along, searching for footage on New Year's resolutions. Even WhoScarf* (better pseudonym to come) showed up after an early-evening nap. Lies Told: None significant.

ShankyLocust, accompanied by his GourmetGal*, breezed in a full three hours after the fete got going, as is his wont.

Late night fun was in the cards: after the party cleared out, VF and I stuck around to keep NAO'B company as he closed, cutting a rug with another TriBeCa bartender to the tune of The Squirrel Nut Zippers' "Suits Are Picking Up the Bill."

Bar Roundup: Grace
Alcohol of Choice: Scotch
Signature Tune: An NBNYE standard, " Fairytale of New York" by The Pogues.
Chagrined: One of ShankyLocust's favorite party games is to put conflicting personalities in a room together and watch the sparks fly; imagine his disappointment when AchyCampaigner*, KegsIncident* and I passed a few minutes chatting amicably.
Final Analysis: With such a top-notch guest list, how could NBNYE2002 be quantified as anything but "classic"? The only thing missing was the people who didn't show up.

*new pseudonym

December 29, 2002

The Gallivants of Fame | 11:43 AM

An eight o'clock Sunday morning doorbell ring usually means JoHos, but this AM produced instead The Winner* – freshly deplaned from Oregon – accompanied by his brother Not S'Dumb, and Shelly Blonde*. A bagel store stop and two sides of the park later, we're tucking away breakfast at the S'Dumb/Blonde residence. The Winner produced a pocketful of bones, encouraging the group to perpetrate a postprandial round of Hot Dice.
Hot Dice strategy tip from The Winner: "Sometimes, the easy dog eats the lair."

*new pseudonym

December 22, 2002

The Gallivants of Fame | 03:14 PM

Still recovering from a night on the town at semi-fashionable one-syllable bars.

Started the evening at the Second Ave F Station, meeting Buffy's Little Helper for a stroll up to Urge – a red-hued lounge in a defunct funeral parlor – to attend a surprise party for Lesbian Glasses*. The bash, organized by LG's Girlfriend (recently seen in Episode 43 of The Sopranos), included special guest Club Soda in Pigtails*. Under flatscreen TVs displaying graphics not much better than those produced by iTunes, we were pleasantly surprised to run into Wiley's Dog* (requested pseudonym: Little Gay Boy) and another college associate.

Then, headed uptown via Brooklyn with BLH to meet Shanky Locust (who was, for the record, in rare form) for a get-together at a swank 15th Street pad, but by the fun was over by the time we arrived. Instead, led by three of SL's brand-new friends, we slid over to Park, a cavernous gathering place decked out in a BDSM meets Ikea motif. Up in the VIP penthouse, where there's vodka on every table and live fish behind the bar, we eschewed the dancing scene to chat with strangers. Lies told: Name: Brain (yes, Brain); Alma Mater: Marymount College, New Hampshire; Profession: "I consult managers." Sadly, the hot tub was closed.

Coaching in the taxi by SL and a command performance by BLH got us into Sway, which, according to citysearch, "admits only the most beautiful, well-dressed and self-aware downtown fashionistas." A quick tour revealed that the fashionista we were there to meet had long since gone to bed, so a trek past the Holland Tunnel took us to Grace, the old standby, where No Ass O'Barkeep kept us going until the wee hours.

Bar Roundup: Urge, Park, Sway, Grace
Alcohol of choice: Scotch
Slapdown of the night: Pursued by a persistent Westchester, NY-born lad with an affected British lilt – "Yeah, I live in London, it's not a big deal" – WD made a valiant effort to brush the boy off friendly-wise, but when confronted with the statement "I'd like to take you home with me," was forced to reply, "That's not going to happen." (WD: "He might have had a chance if not for the stupid accent.")
Without a clue: Two hours into the evening at Urge, CSiP, having been served by a well-built, well dressed bartender, surrounded by a fashionably male crowd, with naked men on her drink tickets and table tents promising hot go-go boys, was shocked when we pointed out that this was a gay bar.
Final Analysis: A "solid" evening, mostly due to good company throughout, but by no means "epic".

*new pseudonym

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Fine Burlesque Entertainments
Nasty Canasta
Official Burlesque Artist of, cheese queen of Coney Island
Jonny Porkpie
Nasty puppeteer and Burlesque Mayor of New York City.


Tales from the Established Norm
The post-college episodes of the strip from college.
One strip. One thousand endings.

Fred, The Obnoxious Goldfish
An angry slice of piscine fury from the mind of Jay Veegee
One-shot from the files.
Faust: a Primer
Created for the program of Man of Infinite Desire

Produces Interesting Theater. Such as...
Tiny Ninja Theater
No Small Parts. Only Small Actors.
Hudson Valley Playreading Series
"Buddy" Cianci: The Musical
Rhode Island's most popular politician, six times elected, twice convicted

Book of Ages
"Exploring life's landmark ages in hilariously obsessive detail."
buy 30 | buy 40
buy Japanese 40
German 40 (unavailable)

Minor & Incomplete

The ANTAGONISTIC magazine.
Survivor Deadpool
Deadpool Dead.
A great idea!
Unpalatable Ball
Featuring the Discontented Elf.

I Know Them All
Two Snail or Not Two Snail?
by Jay Veegee


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